WILL & DEANNA

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    IMZADI-ALL ROUND ROBIN
    This was a round robin that a bunch of us Imzadi fans from the newsgroups
    started - and never finished unfortunately.

    ~ROUND ROBIN~

    Lori‘s
    I look at this picture and want to cry, but I have no tears.

    We were married on a day like today -- spring on Earth, at least in the
    hemisphere in which I was born. June was the stereotypical month of choice
    for weddings. I'll never forget the laughter. You'd think Jean-Luc was giving away his own daughter, the way he grinned. Just the way he's grinning
    there in the picture.

    Beverly was just as bad. She made an exquisite bridesmaid. I don't think
    there's any doubt in anyone's mind why Jean-Luc disappeared after the reception
    at about the same time she did. Other than dancing with you, she was the only
    one he would willingly head for the dance floor with. I was glad Worf wasn't
    there. Hate to say that, but it's true. Sad that Geordi and Data weren't. Sad
    that so many of our friends, former fellow officers, and family couldn't be
    there. But it was the happiest day of my life.

    I wish I could undo it.

    *************************************

    Carol‘s
    I did not realise his presence until the mattress give a little as he sat
    behind me. So totally lost in my reminiscing, I had not sensed his approach.

    Stiffening as I felt his tentative hand upon my shoulder and the featherlight
    kiss to the back of my head, and I knew that he was doing it so that he could
    see what I was looking at. I winced slightly as I felt his finger tips briefly
    dig into my shoulder.

    "Why Deanna, why do you keep doing this to yourself, to us?"

    Tenderly tucking the pictures back to the drawer, I distanced myself from him
    by walking to the window. Staring out at the distant hills, that still
    shimmered with the last of the winter snow, I could feel his confusion, and his
    hurt as he waited for an answer.

    But I had nothing new to say to him, he had heard it all before, well, most of
    it. The little piece I kept tucked away in the deepest part of my soul would
    remain there, hopefully forever.

    Instead I shrugged and I heard his sigh. The bed squeaked as he left it and
    came to a stand behind my unyeilding body. This time he did not touch me, I
    was sure he heard my silent relief.

    He wanted to touch her, God, how he wanted to. Sometimes...Hell, all the time,
    he wanted just to feel her so desperately that on the odd occasion that she let
    him near, his desperation and need erupted from him and he ended up always
    pushing her further and further away. He pleaded again.

    "Deanna...Talk to me please"

    I hated myself for feeling this way, and I hated even more what I was doing to
    him. None of this was his fault. But he had tried to step into the shoes of
    the only man I could ever truly love, my soulmate, the man who had pledged his
    life to ensure that I had mine.

    And he had. He had given his life to save me, and our daughter.

    Millie had been the only thing from keeping me from going insane. Sometimes I
    even wondered if it was her that had kept me alive in those early days.

    The Enterprise was gone, my beloved captain, and my bestest girlfriend in the
    whole wide world. I could scream for Beverly's motherly concern, someone to
    talk to. My buddies Geordi and Data. God, how I missed them.

    How I ached for them. For all of them. But not as much as the man who had given
    me Millie. Only just barely the twinkle in her daddy's eye, I had been 10
    weeks pregnant when it had happened.

    When the Enterprise D had fell from the heavens like a falling star and hit the
    asteroid belt shattering it into a trillion and one particles, along with my
    heart, my hopes, my dreams, and the father of my unborn baby.

    Will had insisted that only days before I had taken the shuttle to visit my
    mother, otherwise I would have been with my ship, my friends and my love.

    My Will.

    Millie's whimper broke through the uncomfortable silence, but turning to tend
    her meant facing him, and I was not ready to face him, not yet. I tried to
    ignore her cries, but the crescendo began to reach screaming pitch, many
    more
    moments and I knew that she would be throwing herself about the play pen.

    I had no choice but to turn and look into the piercing blue eyes. His eyes.

    I squared my shoulders, closed my eyes and turned, but he was ready for me and I found myself caught within his firm arms.

    "No Deanna, I'm not going to let you go until you tell me. I know there's
    something else wrong. I know it's something to do with how you felt about Will
    and how you feel about me. I want to know, I think I'm entitled, don't you?"

    Millie's wails touched every raw nerve and I could not think straight, but I
    did realise that it was time that he knew the truth, the whole truth, but he
    was not going to like it.

    Wrenching myself free from his hands I hurried from the room,
    "Let me settle Millie Tom...Then I'll tell you what you want to know."

    ***********************************

    Pam's
    My eyes are open, I'm sitting in my quarters, feeling the moisture of
    perspiration as it runs down between my breasts and along my hairline. I scan
    the sleeping area, no one.

    "Computer how many life signs are in these quarters?"

    "One life sign is currently in Counselor Troi's Quarters."

    Flopping back on the pillows I force myself to slow down, take deep breaths
    regain my wits. I couldn't stop the hand that slowly slides across the bed the
    sensation of the cool sheets only starts the reaction of panic all over again.

    "Computer location of Commander William Riker?"

    "Commander Riker is currently on the bridge."

    "Is Thomas Riker on the Enterprise?"

    "Negative."

    "You were dreaming. It was simply a dream." I keep trying to convince myself of
    that, when I know it was much more. But what? What would cause those reactions?

    I know I sensed Tom. When I hadn't seen him for years, how was it possible. I
    sense him even yet. It's a distant whisper, but it's there. I can't define the
    words, but their breath is in my ears.

    A more overwhelming sense of anticipation and tension fills up the gaps left by
    the mirage that had overtaken me. A new sense of urgency pushes back the
    previous mystery, as I dress. This is one that surrounds me, it is from this
    crew. I tug on the last boot and hear I'm to report to the bridge.

    I sense the tension on the bridge before the lift doors open. I can sense him,
    his air of quiet determination as he prepares for this latest crisis. The ship
    goes to yellow alert, from my place I see the view screen and swallow at the
    sight of a mirror image of the Enterprise as it swings through an asteroid belt
    and heads towards us.

    *************************************

    Di and Robin
    Deanna Troi Riker's first act upon entering the bridge was to carefully
    diffuse the charge of Will's turbulent emotions as she moved to sit beside
    him. She felt satisfied at the almost imperceptible loosening of the tension
    in his broad shoulders and let her eyes caress him for a split second before
    she focused her attention on the view screen that had riveted them all.

    No one spoke as they watched a carbon copy of the Enterprise limp towards
    them. The computer's answer to her last query still rang loudly in her mind
    "Thomas Riker is not on board the Enterprise." She tried to reconcile herself
    to accept that as truth, but her senses were telling her something altogether
    different, and the log entry that she still couldn't explain haunted her
    still. She needed to talk to Will but knew that now was not the appropriate
    time.

    "Try to hail them again ensign Welch," Will said, his baritone voice even and
    steady, contradicting the tight held anxiety he felt that no one could be aware
    of but herself.

    "They're not responding Captain," the young ensign replied, turning her fresh
    scrubbed face towards him and reflecting the absolute trust she held in her
    captain.

    "Then keep trying on all frequencies, and continue to monitor for outbound
    transmissions of any kind," Will replied tersely before nodding at Deanna.
    "In my ready room," he said to Troi as he relinquished the bridge to his first
    in command.

    Will stared out of the starboard viewport, keeping his back towards the door.
    He heard the near silent swish of the panels indicating that the counselor had
    entered. The weight of her stare was an itch tingling between his shoulder
    blades, but still he didn't turn. Deanna remained quiet, but he could feel her
    distress coat him like an icy shroud. His muscles had tightened enough to
    viscously spasm, and he was unusually nervous, though why the hell he should
    feel like this was a mystery. He drew a deep breath and clasped his hands
    tightly behind him as he pivoted to face her. A sharp intake of breath and the
    surprised jerk of Deanna's chin only heightened Will's confusion. Her pale
    face was set with tension, and her dark eyes were huge with emotion.

    "Captain... Will I." She began.

    "I need you to explain your reaction on the bridge Deanna? You were late, and
    then when you showed you came in looking as though you'd seen a ghost."

    Deanna stared at him then closed her mouth and took another deep breath.
    Riker waited, while fighting his pressing need to hurry her along.

    Deanna opened her mouth but swayed before she could speak. Will's instinctive
    reaction had her in his arms before she could fall, and he eased her slowly
    into the high backed chair in front of his desk.

    "Deanna! What the hell is wrong? Are you all right? Do you know what the
    hell is going on?"

    Deanna drew a long shuddering breath and looked up into the concerned blue eyes
    of the man she had loved for most of her life, the man she had been convinced
    upon awakening wasn't supposed to be here. Or was he? She wanted to ease the
    lines that creased his tired features but she hesitated and instead brushed her
    heavy hair out of her eyes. His emotions were strong and seemed genuine, but
    somehow they were different in a way she couldn't quite define. Deanna wet her
    parched lips and began to explain.

    "Will, I know that something is very wrong. I don't know how, or even why or
    when. I only know that when I woke up I had a child, it was our child, but you
    were dead and Thomas was here." The shocked disbelief that was mirrored on
    Will's face stopped further conversation, and they stared at one another for
    several long seconds.

    "That's ridiculous Deanna! You don 't have a baby, and Thomas isn't here, he's in prison. And we're all here so..."

    Deanna raised her palm to stop him, and glanced around the ready room,
    observing the distinctively male décor as she fought for balance in her own
    emotions as she had often done in the past.
    Will saw her slender hand shake and realized that she was deeply upset about
    this. Deanna was the most rational and stable person he'd ever known, but none
    of this was making sense, and he struggled against the tendril of panic that
    tried to uncurl in his stomach.

    "What? Please, Deanna, you have to know. You've got to tell me."

    Deanna appeared to collect herself and sighed heavily. "Will, I know that at
    least part this is a dream but," she paused and bit her lower lip.

    "It's more than a feeling. It's like something I've never felt before, as
    though I'm losing my orientation into another reality, because something or
    someone is pulling me away from this one."

    Will frowned and shook his head. "I don't understand. If this is a dream,
    your dream, then why is there another Enterprise off our starboard bow?"

    Deanna held her aching head. "I'm not sure. But I found this exact dream
    this morning. It was written in my personal log."

    Will nodded. Sometimes I write things down when thoughts or dreams are
    disturbing to me. You taught me that."

    Deanna shook her head vehemently.

    "No. No! You don't understand. It wasn't me. I didn't write that log. But
    it has every detail that I saw in my dream; and it even has my access code and
    password, but I swear I didn't write it!"

    Will shook his head in disbelief. "But how is that possible Deanna? Maybe you
    just forgot that you wrote it while you were half asleep."

    Deanna's eyes were full of fear and her slender hands gripped the arms of
    her chair. "Will you've got to believe me. I'm telling you that there's
    something very wrong going on here!" Her voice rose in pitch and volume. "I
    didn't write those log entries. Why the hell would I write about a life that
    didn't exist?" A life where you were dead? " Tears threatened to spill and her
    voice pleaded with him to understand. "I don't know the answer Will, but I'm
    afraid that the other Enterprise holds the answers we need."

    ***********************************

    Laura‘s
    Two hands gripping the cool glass rim of his desk, he tipped his chair back
    and moved his eyes between the conviction that glimmered in his wife's eyes, and
    the reality that flickered like a tarnished jewel outside the view-port. His
    years on the Enterprise had shown him the shaded line between dreams and
    reality, lucidity and insanity, the incomprehensible power that lay hidden in a
    single thought. His hardened gaze softened, his eyes resting this time only on
    his wife. He nodded to her and slapped his communicator, "Riker to Data."

    "Yes Captain?" He heard the android's response, but his emotions and thoughts
    were caught up in the single breath counselor Riker freed from her lungs and
    the glimmer of a smile that touched her mouth.

    "Run a scan of the other Enterprise........tap into their damn computers if you
    have to....I want to know what, when, why, and how by the time I ret......" His
    communication terminal flickered, buzzed with yellow light, fell into black,
    then again sparkled. Four words, in grainy topaz light, back-dropped in blue-
    white static blipped across the screen, and were gone before he could take a
    breath.

    {{TAKE CARE OF HER.}} Behind the Starfleet emblem that now filled the screen
    his mind's eye reiterated the words, his emotions jerking him back to where
    he'd heard the warning before.

    {Captain?"}

    "Stand by mister Data?" His response was sharper then he'd planed, his eyes
    still pinned to the screen, Deanna's hand against his shoulder, warm and
    familiar tugged him back from somewhere else.

    "Will?" Her hair tickled his cheek as she leaned over him, "What happened?"

    {Captain?} With a practiced humanity, adding just a hint of urgency, the
    android restated his last summons.

    "Damnit Data, what is it?!"


    "I'm on my way." he answered with his usual amount of drive, but instead of
    jumping to his feet, he leaned back and shared a look with his wife.

    "What did you see Will?" She pushed the hair that still fell against his cheek
    behind her ear, her eyes wide, he knew she recognized the emotions that the
    unlikely transmission had caused.

    "I don't want to overreact on this Deanna, thinking about Tom Riker is the
    equivalent of grinding a laser drill into my temple......Let's see what Data's
    got," He patted her hand, her knuckles white from the grip she had on his
    chair. They relaxed in response to his touch and she nodded a hesitant
    agreement, falling in beside him as he rose to go to the bridge.

    ~~~*~~~

    "Report Commander!" Riker barked the request before the ready-room doors had
    hissed shut behind them.

    "We detected a low level quantum phase variance from the other Enterprise," The
    android continued while his fingers danced over the screen, "and a subsequent
    subsonic transfer, we have checked ship's communications, but we have been
    unable to locate the source of the sound wake."

    "I'll tell ya where it went Data," Riker answered, stabbing his thumb over his
    shoulder, "My ready-room." Even through his uniform tunic he could feel
    Deanna's breathing, warm against his back. He turned and offered what he
    doubted to be a comforting smile.

    "Ah, that is peculiar," Even without turning he could see his first officer's
    positronic curiosity churning behind his golden eyes.

    Deanna's warm breath and his own cold sweat caused a chill to sweep up his
    spine, he rolled his shoulders to mask it and lowered his eyes to the android.
    "How so?"

    "We have located another subsonic penetration. It has been traced to deck eight, corridor D...........Your quarters Sir."

    *********************************

    Lori's
    I followed Will through the corridors, hardly breathing.
    Had those words been a figment of my imagination, or had Will seen them too?
    I knew he was surprised, but it so easily could have been a reaction to some
    sudden realization -- I wanted to believe that I was imagining things, that
    Will wasn't being pulled into this delusion with me.

    I wanted to think that it was all a dream. Even now, walking the familiar halls
    of our ship, I wanted to be dreaming so we could wake up, eat breakfast, and go
    back to exploring the galaxy where I didn't hear babies that weren't there or
    see the typewritten manifestation of words Tom Riker had once said, or see
    mirror images of the Enterprise that vanished.

    We reached our quarters and paused, looking at one another. "You should stay
    out here," he murmured.

    "You should call security."

    I could tell he wouldn't. A moment of locked gazes, and he strode through those
    doors, and stopped. I had to squeeze through to get in -- he wouldn't move. And
    I saw why at once, and suddenly the ship was spinning, floating, the gravity
    turned off, and I realized that wasn't really happening, that it was just me
    who was spinning.

    When I awoke, they were both looking down at me with concern on their faces --
    my husband, Will Riker, and myself. Not a mirror self. A living, breathing me.
    She was as frightened as I was.

    And as they stared, and I stared, I heard a baby begin to cry.

    ***************************************

    Carol‘s
    "Hush, hush little one, mommy‘s here."

    "Millie‘s face was crimson with rage at having been abandoned for so long,
    barely minutes for me, but a lifetime for her, and she was not happy about it,
    at all.

    Cradling her close to my breast, it was a while before my gentle soothing words
    and continuous stroking reduced the wails to a mere hiccup. Her huge
    baby blue eyes stared into mine, and I felt my throat tighten as I fought back
    the image of her daddy as it replaced her tiny, perfect features. Will‘s
    features.

    Already fiercely independent, and stubborn, Millie could not have been more
    like her father if she had tried and it broke my heart every time I saw
    something new, something that reminded me of Will, something that made me stop
    and take stock of just how different Will was from the man pacing in the other
    room, Tom.

    I found myself constantly comparing them, I don‘t mean to, but I can‘t help
    myself. I miss him, with every fibre of my heart. A piece of me is missing,
    lost forever. I feel my time is coming, I don‘t know how much longer I can
    carry on with this life.

    I know Tom loves me, and I know that he too, would lay his life on the line to
    keep me safe, but he is not Will, and he knows it. He feels it.

    Watching Millie‘s eyes struggling to stay open, I found myself smiling at her,
    stubborn to the end. The moment reminded me of a night, a long, long time ago
    when I had been tucked up against Will, sleep not far away until I had looked
    up into Will‘s face. He was wide awake, watching me.

    "Why aren‘t you going to sleep Imzadi?"

    "Because I don‘t want to, not yet" I chuckled sleepily at the strange comment,

    "But why!?" Will shrugged as he lightly stroked my arm sending an intimate
    shiver through me that triggered an instant movement of my leg to his nether
    regions.

    "Because when I go to sleep, it will be the end of the day, and when I wake up,
    I‘ve got to be parted from you for eight whole hours again, I hate being away
    from you Imzadi, even for a minute."

    I was overwhelmed with such tenderness that tears sprang to my eyes, it was
    such a sweet thing to say, and I still treasure them, remember them, even now...
    especially now.

    Watching Millie sleep, I had to stop the tear from rolling off my chin onto her
    face, the ache in my heart just kept on hurting and hurting, I began to wonder
    if it would ever cease.

    One half of me never wanted it to, somehow the hurt kept Will alive in my
    heart, but the other half wanted to be free of the pain, of constantly being
    forced to see, to talk to touch...to make love to another.

    I could close my eyes and pretend it was Will but Tom could never touch me like
    Will could, he would never touch me like Will, and he knew. Tom knew that was
    what I begged for, what I ached for. Time after time, Tom left me to cry
    myself to sleep.

    "Deanna?"

    I nearly jumped out of my seat when I heard him whisper my name and my heart
    began to thump again. Without turning I acknowledged him with a nod.

    Gently putting Millie in her crib, I took a deep breath and turned to face him,
    but he had gone. I understood his reasons, Millie did not need to hear the
    angry words that were sure to come. This was not her battle, but a battle
    between two lost causes. One longing for her reason to live, the other for
    knowing that he wasn‘t that reason.

    I found him in the den, staring through the window at the back yard, his hands
    shoved deep into his pant pockets. Millie‘s baby swing hung forlornly, long
    forgotten until the spring.

    I knew what he wanted to know, but I couldn‘t bring myself to start the
    conversation. The silence stretched between us until I heard him sigh and turn
    around to face me. My breath caught in my throat as I met his eyes.
    ***
    He was scared. His stomach was so twisted with worry that he could barely
    breathe. Deanna stood, statuesque in the doorway, it hurt him to see the fear
    in her eyes.

    Was she afraid of him? No, Deanna could never be afraid of him, he worshipped
    the very ground she walked on, he would never hurt her, never, but, she was
    afraid.

    Tom‘s head fell to one side as he studied her. Lord, but she was so beautiful.
    Every time Tom thought about his life without her, he visibly paled. Deanna was
    his universe, she was the core of his existence, his life‘s very breath.

    But watching her now, he saw fear and Tom was scared senseless and for the life
    of him he could not comprehend why he was pushing her to reveal her most
    innermost secret, because deep in his heart, he knew that it would be the
    beginning of the end for them, and he was frightened to death.

    Before she opened her heart to him, before she destroyed them, Tom felt the
    urgency to open his heart to her, knowing that it was likely to be the very
    last time that he would.
    ***
    I felt Tom‘s inner torment, but as I went to speak, I was silenced by his hand
    halting my words, my eyes fell to his huge palm watching it shake with nerves.

    "Please...Deanna, hear me out. Before we go any further I just want to say
    something...o.k.?"

    I held my breath for fear of releasing the tears that had crept up as I watched
    the pain in his eyes, I could do nothing other than nod.

    Tom remained where he was, unable to trust himself if he went any closer to
    her. If he got near enough to touch her, to hold her close, he would not have
    been able to say what he needed to say, and it became more and more paramount
    with every passing moment.

    "I have never, ever doubted about my feelings for you Deanna. When you came
    into my life, I felt like I had been reborn. My life started again the very
    first moment that my eyes found yours in that chapel. Up until then, there had
    only ever been one important thing in my life, and that was my career...Until I
    met you."

    I swallowed painfully as my heart fell a million miles, but before I could stop
    him, Tom carried on, forcing me to sit down as my legs turned to jelly.

    "No one was more surprised than me to find you on the Enterprise when they
    found me on Nervala 4, but in retrospect I should not have been surprised, I
    knew that we would find each other again, but I didn‘t figure on the subsequent
    events to happen."

    "I know you loved Will, Deanna, and I know that you love me, but you completed
    the bond with him, didn‘t you Deanna?"

    I could only stare at him stupidly as I wondered when he had realised. Had it
    been that obvious?. Tom repeated his question, "Didn‘t you?", I hung my head
    unable to look into his knowing eyes.

    The silence stretched on as he digested her admission. It clearly answered a
    lot of his questions. Tom knew that when an Imzadi couple were bonded
    completely, nothing could surpass the intensity between them.

    Two became one. Minds intertwined, bodies fitted together in perfect harmony,
    and souls soared throughout eternity, together...forever.

    Looking up into his face as he loomed over me, the massive pools of tears that
    hung from lashes broke free and cascaded down my face, my throat hurt so much
    with the pain that I could not answer him, but I didn‘t have to, he‘d seen it,
    he had felt it.

    Precious seconds passed, silent seconds as the impact of what was a stake
    filtered through the already tortured hearts, until suddenly I felt Tom‘s mind
    shift gears, I saw the puzzlement in his eyes, and I held my breath and
    waited...It hadn‘t taken him long to guess.

    "That‘s not it is it, the bond isn‘t the issue here, is it Deanna?, there‘s
    something else..."

    I found myself choking on the sob that rose with the dread of what I was about
    to impart with him, but before I knew it, Tom had dragged me to my feet, I felt
    like a rag doll in his arms as he tried his hardest to restrain himself from
    shaking me. His voice broke as he begged for an answer. Begged for the truth. I
    could feel his fear.

    "For God‘s sake Deanna, tell me!"

    It came out in a rush, it wasn‘t how I wanted to tell him, I had never wanted
    to tell him, but for Millie‘s sake, I no longer had a choice.

    My poor cherished daughter, our precious daughter, the daughter who had not
    even been a glimmer in our eyes when we had made our sacred pledge was the only
    reason that I was still here, and selfishly, I thought, for a while that Tom
    could achieve the impossible, but I had to face it, I no longer belonged here.
    I no longer wanted to be here.

    So as I almost screamed the words, electrifing the atmosphere with an
    undercurrent of every emotion imaginable. I felt everything come to a
    standstill.

    "We made a pact...Will and I made a pact, if one of us got killed then the
    other would also die..."

    The last word hovered in the silent air like an echo. Tom‘s eyes burned into my
    very soul as he tried to grasp my strangled outcry, his fingernails bit into my
    arms but I was too numb to notice the pain.
    ~*~
    Tom stared into the liquid chocolate eyes, desperation filled his own as the
    impact of her words sizzled through his already overwrought thoughts. He felt
    his heart begin to pound painfully, the choking sobs rose with each gasping
    breath, Tom knew he was going to lose it.

    Pushing Deanna away roughly, Tom turned away, unable to look at the only thing
    that once mattered in his once miserable life. The sunshine in his otherwise
    grotty day. His rainbow twinkling through the rainclouds.

    The woman he worshipped, had made a suicide pact with his mirror image. ~*~
    Once more, the silence hung between us as he tried to calm his raging emotions,
    but before I could speak, Tom spoke, I could hear the pain in his voice, he
    was crying quietly, his question came out in a pathetic squeak.

    "Why Deanna?"

    I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders, I had been so desolate, so alone
    for so long, it almost felt good to finally allow the secret to come out. I
    found myself smiling as the tears still poured down my face, the sensation felt
    weird.

    "I can‘t live without him any longer, I‘ve tried, but the pull is too strong.
    Everyday, I die a little more, I can‘t do this any more Tom, I have to go...
    soon."

    Tom must of thought I was laughing at him, because he swung round, his eyes
    blazed with sheer horror, until he saw my face and felt my peace. I watched his
    stance relax even though the tears continued to run unchecked down his cheeks.

    "I feel it Deanna, I feel your happiness, its like your already there, aren‘t
    you?..."

    I found myself nodding stupidly, overwhelmed with joy that he genuinely
    understood the compulsion that was forcing me to join my one and only true
    love. I know that I would never be able to live with the severed link, it was
    killing me, slowly but surely, and no one understood that better that the
    seemingly tower of strength that stood before me.

    "Yes Tom, I can feel Will‘s presence calling me, he‘s with me all the time, I
    can‘t ignore it any longer, it‘s what we want...it‘s what I want, I want to be
    with Will, I will never be truly content here, the bond made us one...I‘m not
    alive Tom, I‘m existing."

    By the time I had finished talking, I was enfolded within Tom‘s arms, clinging
    to each other, drawing strength from each other until I heard him whisper into
    my hair.

    "Tomorrow, I shall take Millie back home to Betazed, Chandra will be her mommy,way but I promise you Deanna, I will be there for her, every...step...of...the...way,
    and I will make sure that she won‘t ever forget you."

    Tom pushed Deanna away from his body as he studied the ebony eyes intently
    Instinctively she knew what he was going to say, she beat him to it.

    "I have a hypospray...I will simply fall asleep and never wake up."

    Tom pulled her close again, he felt the tears beginning to build again, he had
    to get away from her before he fell to pieces.

    "I want to do it for you Imzadi, I want to be the one who gives you back your
    happiness, please, let me...I will always love you and I wish I were coming
    with you, but Millie is going to need me more than you, so I‘m going to stay,
    but I am going to miss you, so much Deanna."

    Tom quickly left the room leaving her trembling in the middle of the room. She
    had so much to do and now so little time. Letters to write, Millie‘s things to
    pack, and the locked box to bring out from its secret hiding place...
    ~~~*~~~
    The shuttle left the port at dawn. Two solitary figures were its only
    passengers, one tiny girl fast asleep with her thumb tucked comfortingly in
    her mouth. And a broken-hearted man with tears blurring his vision as he left
    behind the still, sleeping form of his beloved Imzadi...

    ****************************************

    Sarajane's
    It had only been two hours since Tom had left half of his soul behind him. His
    eyes blurred each time his mind spun her last few sentences in a series of
    flashbacks.

    Shaking his head, he took a minute to remove his eyes from the readouts and
    turned back to Millie, watching her sleep soundly without her mother, in the
    care of her Uncle who bore a very remarkable resemblance of her missing father.

    "At least she has someone left of her family." he murmured, thinking back to
    his own childhood and the rugged terrain he'd had to travel to become an adult.

    Tom curse silently at leaving Deanna. She'd wanted him to go, his visage too
    much to bare anymore after Will's disappearance. She was right in one thing, he
    mused. She had been slowly dying since the day she'd lost him. And it had been
    just as painful to himself to watch her slowly falter from the strong willed
    and determined Betazoid, into pure misery.

    The moments of joy on her face with Mille where catalogued as miracles each
    time he saw the hint of a smile or true laughter, something she had never
    shared with him in the past year.

    Glancing back to the controls, he swiped the tears from his blue eyes and
    concentrated on entering the new coordinates. "Damn you Imzadi. I can't do this.
    " He murmured as he punched in the coordinate lock and increased the warp
    engines.

    "I'm coming Deanna. I can't let you die alone. Not like I imagined I would on
    Nervala IV. Not alone." He repeated thumping the control panel with impatience.
    :::::::::::
    {Imzadi}

    The word whispered as Tom reached for the palm print. he halted and felt the
    gentle caressing of his mind, the delicate touch she had denied him since his
    brother had fully joined with her.

    {Imzadi} he sent back, crossing fingers that his rusty attempt was enough to
    show how much he still loved her. Keying the code he rushed through the rooms,
    heading for her bedroom in hope of finding her before it was too late.

    The door to the bedroom glided open and shocked Tom to his bones. Deanna lay
    tranquil amidst the pile of purple cushions, her body relaxed and a smile upon
    her pale features. The smile wasn't the frightening prospect that had Tom
    chilled to his bones.

    She was fading. Becoming as insubstantial to the eyes as a ghost.

    Moving forward he hesitated in reaching for her as her onyx eyes took him into
    to her heart. "I love you Imzadi" she called as her body coalesed into a
    transparent form.

    Tom reached forward to grasp her translucent hand, finding nothing to hold onto
    with despair. "Imzadi!" Tom called and blinked back tears as moment by moment
    she became nothing but air.

    "Imzadi!!!" He cried as she winked out and left nothing behind, not even an
    indentation of her past presence. "Imzadi!!!" He repeated, falling to the bed
    and breathing in her fragrance that was the last evidence of her being. He
    cried. And he cried. Will may of been her Imzadi and her husband, but Tom wa
    s still connected to her through the bond. Agony tore through his heart and he
    wept for the hole that now encompassed his soul.
    :::::::::
    "Medical Emergency!" Will Riker called to the communications network embedded
    in his quarters ceiling. "Initiate site to site transport to sickbay!" He yelled as he reached forward to check she was real and not a
    ghost. The form now opaque compared to the disappearing act
    she'd passed off two months prior. Feeling her warmth upon contact, he picked
    up Deanna's form into his arms and stood for the beam out. Tears of relief and
    panic flooding his eyes.

    His wife and Imzadi was back, but would she live? And where had she gone? He
    wondered as the transporter pulled him apart and reglued him back together
    into the sanctuary of sickbay, Deanna still very much a weight in his arms.
    She was home.