SILENT WHISPERS
by Carol Sandford

Chapter sixteen

Chapter sixteen

Will's footsteps slowed to a hesitant halt as he stepped into Deanna's quarters. The sweet smell that teased his nostrils was becoming so familiar to him that he barely registered it beyond the acute sense of peace that assaulted his senses whenever he entered the room.

But this time, the sense of peace, the feeling of coming home and the tantalizing baby scent eluded him when he spotted the tears that slowly coursed down his Imzadi's cheeks. Her face, tight with pain, stared blindly at the tiny boy that lay quietly watching her upon her lap.

She had pulled the small coffee table nearer to the sofa and Will had frequently seen her slouched back upon the sofa with her feet upon the wooden edge, the baby laying upon her drawn up knees. It was usually a lovely sight, seeing mother and son watching each other, with Deanna keeping him mesmerized with her soft coos and gentle chatter.

The scene seemed the same. The boy still stared at his mom, enchanted with her beautiful features, as he himself usually was, but her sadness radiated through Will, hurting his own heart with her sorrow. Quickly and quietly making his way to her side, Will sat and tenderly caressed her shoulder, pushing away the fall of hair so that he could see her face.

"Deanna...darling, what's wrong?" he asked gently, taking a quick glance at the small boy, checking to see if her distress was because of him. But when he saw that the child was well, his dark eyes turning, acknowledging him, recognizing the familiar face, Will turned his attention back to his mother.

"Deanna, talk to me." he urged.

Taking a deep sniff but unable to tear her eyes away from her son's tiny flawless features, she murmured. "Danya. My son's name is Danya."

Will blinked with surprise. It had taken Deanna a whole month and a half to decide on a name for her child, so much so, that she was being teased by all her fellow crewmates who were beginning to think the boy was going to spend the rest of his days being called, 'the boy', or, 'your son', or other cute endearments that he'd been saddled with.

Brushing away a tear with the pad of his thumb, Will gave her a tentative smile and said, with a hint of puzzlement as to why that should distress her so much, "That's great, Deanna, you've finally given him a name, and it's a beautiful one. Does it mean anything?" he asked.

She sniffed again, lifting her tear-filled eyes to his for a moment, letting him see her pain up close and nodding slowly as she told him, "It means, Gift from God."

Will smiled, moving closer so that he could place a tender and chaste kiss upon her salty lips. "It's perfect, Deanna."

Placing his small finger against the child's hand, instantly glowing with fatherly pride when the tiny fist opened and circled the much larger digit, Will grinned and said, his voice husky with emotion, "Hello, Danya, welcome to the Enterprise."

The infant fixed his trusting dark gaze onto Will. Still very, very small, still not much bigger than Will's hand, Danya positively glowed with health, thanks to the loving care of Beverly Crusher. Every single day, she weighed him, monitored him, smothered him with her own unique love, and then reluctantly handed him back to his true mommy.

After a long moment as a quiet tension built between them, Will eventually pulled his eyes away from Danya and turned his attention back to Deanna. Relieved to see that her tears had slowed as she sat simply watching her son, trying desperately to mask her sorrow, but even so, Will reached beneath the surface and saw how much she was hurting.

He figured that maybe she was grieving for her husband. Hell, she had every right to, seeing as he'd killed him. Her child's father was dead and he was certain that she had absolutely nothing to show that the man had even existed. Nothing for her son to look back upon, and nothing to remember him by.

And then Will figured that maybe Deanna was suffering from post-natal depression, something that he'd heard about from their mutual friend, the doctor. But surely Beverly would have seen the signs and treated Deanna before it got this bad.

And maybe, Will realized, it could be something else entirely - like himself. Maybe she'd changed her mind about becoming his wife and a father for Danya. Becoming a family, the one thing he'd constantly thought about since he'd seen the tiny boy being born from the woman he loved.

And then suddenly, Will became inexplicably scared. What did he say? How did he ask her? What did he ask her? But whatever he said, or asked, he had to do it because he adored her, and he had to ask, because, before anything else, he was her friend, and she needed him.

"Deanna..." he began, his heart beginning to pound with fear as he touched his palm to her jawline, attempting to pull her gaze to his. "Darling, tell me what's wrong."

With difficulty, Deanna tore her eyes away from Danya and found his and saw the concern and his fear in their blue depths. Taking comfort in the hand that caressed her face, she leaned into his touch, her eyes slipping shut with longing.

She wanted him and it ate at her soul that it was too soon. Her husband was barely in his grave, her body was only just healed after the traumatic birth, even though Beverly had recently given her a clean bill of health and Deanna felt as guilty as hell for wanting her soul-mate so much, and terrified that if she made it obvious that she wanted to move their special relationship onto the next obvious step, that Will would think bad of her.

And not only Will. What would her fellow crew-mates think? A widow barely a month, with a tiny baby, dragged back to the Enterprise because she'd failed at her marriage, and failed at being desirable. Deanna knew that Will loved her, but he looked at her differently now. She saw it, and she felt it, and she hated it.

Before, Will's desire had been heart-stoppingly erotic. She used to almost feel Will's hands roving over her body, taking her to the dizzy heights that she had longed for. But now, desire was replaced with an inordinate need to care for her, and yes, she wanted him to care for her, but, God, she needed him to be more. Much more.

"I...I can't," Deanna admitted sadly, and Will's heart plummeted. She didn't want him. "It...it's too soon, Will."

Instantly Will thought of her poor tortured body. "Is something wrong with...you, something I did when...?" He asked hesitantly, suddenly reluctant to refresh her mind of their forced intimate time, but she was quick to reassure him.

"No, no, it's not that. My body's healed."

Will's face fell because he realized that if it wasn't her body hurting, then it was her heart. "I'm sorry, I know you must hate me for what I did to..."

But again, Deanna broke him off with a gasp and then anger tinged her quietly spoken words," No, no, don't you dare do that to yourself, Will. I know that you think you're to blame for Jal's death, but you are not. It was an accident, a tragic accident, Will."

Will's eyes fell back to the now sleeping child upon her lap and murmured, his heart heavy with loss, "He's lost his father, Deanna, and that was my fault, even if he'd lived."

Deanna's fingers pulled his face back to hers and whispered as quietly as he had, "But he will have another daddy, one that already loves him as though he were his own."

"You'll let me adopt him, one day?" He asked, his hopes daring to rise.

"You can adopt him the same day that we marry, Imzadi." she replied, a tender smile tugging at her lips.

Will's heartbeat began to pound again as he dared to ask as his fingers gently tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear so that he could see her face, look into her eyes and see the answer to his question. "When. When will you marry me, Deanna?"

"I don't know," she said honestly, and then reaching forward, she lightly touched her lips to his and whispered against their softness, "But you will wait for me, wait until I'm ready, won't you?"

As he pulled up closer and prepared to devour her mouth, he replied huskily, "Imzadi, I'll wait forever, if I have to."

She chuckled against his mouth, "It won't be that long, I promise." Stopping him as he began to kiss her, she pushed him back a little and said, "Let me lay Danya down, okay"

Reluctantly Will took his hands away from Deanna's tempting, lush body and allowed her to move. Gently lowering her knees, she tenderly scooped the boy up into her arms, kissing his downy forehead as she did so. She took him into the dimmed bedroom and lay him in his cradle, covered him, made sure he was settled and went back to the waiting man.

Will slipped his arms around her as she settled back into her seat and pulled her close again. "Deanna." he breathed, as his lips touched hers and began to set them both on fire.

Chapter seventeen

Will buried his hand deeper into her thick hair, cupped her head in his huge palm and deepened the kiss further, this time, pouring all the emotion and desire into her that he had held back for too long.

Deanna had never felt such a wild, untethered passion from Will before and it was intoxicating she dimly realized as she felt his tongue enter her willing mouth to dance with hers. But as his kisses drove her mad, leaving her breathless, she found that, she, too, needed more and edged her aching body closer to his, a shudder of desire giving away her secret.

But even so, even though Will knew the truth behind the shiver, he still broke away from her lips and asked her tenderly, concerned, "Are you cold?"

Reaching for his lips again, she whispered huskily, her voice trembling, "No, please, don't stop."

Growling low in his throat, Will side-stepped Deanna's tempting mouth and touched his own to her throat, savouring the tender skin and the intoxicating scent. When she let out a small moan, it only goaded Will on further. Whimpering as he ravaged her sensitive ear lobes, the curve of her creamy shoulder, his small, rapid kisses blazing a path along her jawline, Will lost the ability to breathe.

Desperate to have her closer to him, Will cupped her buttocks and hauled her onto his lap. Deanna instinctively straddled him, pushing her heat up snug against his. Her arms slid around his neck, tipping back her head, exposing her long throat as she let him continue his attack on her.

Will's large hands spanned her ribcage, unable to stop himself from squeezing her as frustration poured from the depths of his soul in his need to possess her once more. It had been too long, far, far too long.

"Deanna," he moaned, finally reaching for her open mouth and sliding his tongue inside. Will pulled her even tighter to his body, crushing her against his chest, the action emitting another groan that came up from his boots as he felt her swollen breasts upon him and he simply had to touch them. Watching Deanna nurse her son time after time had dimmed his lustfulness towards her somewhat. But now - now she was visibly, and wantonly, offering them to him to be touched, he felt honoured.

As his hands came around to cup her, Will's kisses changed. The precious offering turned his fired up loins to mush. Through the thin cotton fabric of her dress and the nursing bra beneath, Will felt the engorged nipple button against his trembling palms.

Reverently he stroked their fullness, feeling her swell even more. Gasping, they broke the kiss and both watched his hands play over her body. It was one of the most erotic things he had seen. The air became heavy with yearning and as Deanna's eyes met his, she reached her crossed hands down to her waist, curled her fingers around it's edge, and pulled the top over her head, dropping it to the floor beside them, their eyes irresistibly drawn to her body again.

Now with only one layer of white cotton between his hands and her, Will suddenly became nervous. Deanna searched the features that she had fallen completely and irrefutably in love with again and whispered his name. "Will." Reaching up for the straps, Deanna pulled them down her arms, revealing her body to him. Giving her body to him.

She watched Will swallow, his bright blue eyes wide and fixed on hers. It was a strange concept seeing Will's nervousness and the thought made her smile tenderly at him. "Touch me," she invited.

For a long moment, Will simply looked her, the story of his devotion etched in the blue depths just for her alone to see. Reaching forward, Deanna lightly brushed her mouth across his and whispered again, "Touch me, Will."

His eyes, heavy with ardour dropped lower and his breath caught with what he saw. Her already generously proportioned breasts now seemed to be almost twice the size. Threaded with blue veins, they took on an almost fragile look; untouchable. But it was her nipples that captured his full gaze. Now almost black with motherhood, they stood out proud, begging for attention. But as he gazed upon her, a droplet of milk puddled upon it and Will felt his loins stir, creating an invisible squirm at what it meant and what he could do.

Arching her back towards him, Deanna laced her fingers in his hair and slowly pulled his face to her body. Almost as if it was all being done in slow motion, Will's tongue snaked out and captured the errant droplet on the tip of his tongue and Deanna gasped as the sensation rocked through her.

Taking the engorged tip fully into his mouth, Will did what he'd secretly wanted to do, ever since he'd tenderly placed her newborn son at her breast all those weeks ago. He suckled her, tasting the warm sweet moisture as it filled his mouth, relishing it as it slid down his throat.

Deanna was breathing in fast, shallow breaths as she watched her beloved nurse from her, and even though what he was doing to her was exactly the same as her darling son, it felt different. There was no sexual need pouring from her soul when Danya fed from her. But as soon as Will took her nipple into his mouth, she became consumed with desire and the wanton tug in her womb was almost her undoing as she set up a small steady rhythm against his bulging hardness.

And then, just when Deanna didn't think she could stand any more, Will suddenly released her body and reached around her and placed the baby monitor on the floor, but everything else got pushed from the small table behind her; Danya's near-empty bottle, his dribble rag and other little bits and bobs, all hit the floor with a muted thump, neither of them caring where or how they landed. When the table was cleared and ready, Will began his relentless assault again.

Running his tongue along the silky length of her shoulders, his hands cherished her slender form, every part that he could reach. Itching to do the same, Deanna's hands blazed a path of their own along his hard, muscular frame, enjoying the feeling and the freedom to do so. Will was so well sculptured that she could trace every muscle in his upper body and she did so with a feather-light touch that made Will shiver with heat.

As their lips mutually met again, Will gently shifted both their bodies forward and eased Deanna onto the table. It was a little low, but neither seemed to care as she helped him shed the rest of her clothing and watched as he shed his own. As soon as he was as naked as her, he covered her stomach with hot kisses and trailed along the inside of her thigh with his tongue.

Deanna's hands itched to explore him as he was her, but she could not reach, so she settled with running her fingers through his silky hair. His breath was so hot on her skin, she felt incapable of thought or words. Caressing her thighs, he moved them further apart, jumping with surprise when he licked across the most sensitive part of her sex before melting with the sensations that he evoked.

Using his fingers to open her fully, he ran his tongue along her in broad, bold strokes, eliciting shivers of delight from her. Flicking his tongue across her entrance, Deanna moaned low in her throat, squirming under his touch as he brought her closer and deeper into his mouth. She tugged at his hair that was intertwined with her fingers, moaning, moving beneath him and Will knew he was driving her wild with pleasure. He stuck his tongue in deeper still and grinned as her body quivered in reaction, calling out his name as her breathing deepened.

Knowing how close she was to her release, Will sucked on her as he slid one finger into her. As she began to melt around him, he slid in another one, amazed at how tight she was around his fingers. As he moved, his tongue continued it's sweet torture, until she began to gyrate wildly, fighting him, encouraging him with her movements and her small cries of abandonment, until suddenly, she arched her body up to his mouth and cried out his name as she violently climaxed, crushing his fingers within her. Eventually as she slowly came back to earth, Will pulled his fingers away and sucked deeply, drinking the nectar that poured from her.

Before she had even stopped quivering in the aftermath of his assault, Will was moving up her body, nibbling and sucking on her now damp skin. When Will eventually reached her shoulder, Deanna finally got the opportunity to start on him, taking a huge playful bite on his shoulder, creating a shudder that she felt ripple throughout his entire alive and hardened body. When he lifted his head and looked deeply into her eyes, she silently begged him to take her body, her trembling fingers grazing him everywhere, desperately aching to cherish every part of him that was now hers.

Quickly lifting her face to his and planting a frantic kiss to his mouth, she whispered hoarsely, "Please, Will, touch me again."

Will knew exactly what Deanna wanted. This time it wasn't his hands that she craved, or his mouth. She wanted the ultimate union, the union that would make them one again. Make her whole.

Will reached down and pulled her knee against his hips, stroking her satiny skin. Taking her hips in his strong hands he pulled her to the edge of the table. Watching him closely, Deanna suddenly sat up, lovingly and longingly letting her gaze rove over his magnificent body. It had been a long, long time since she had seen Will in this state. He had changed, but then so had she. She was a mother now and she was acutely aware of the small markings that scared her body, whereas Will had only grown to be even more perfect.

Reaching down, she tenderly touched his hardness and traced the full length of him with her fingertips, smiling as she watched his eyes close and his head fall back in ecstasy. Her fingers continued to tease him until he almost climaxed in her hand. Grabbing the same hand he murmured in a strangled voice, "Stop. God, Deanna, I want you so much it hurts."

Laying her body back down onto the table's surface and parting her legs further, offering herself like a sacrifice to the Gods, she whispered huskily, "Then have me, Imzadi."

When Deanna first saw the size of Will's manhood, it had filled her with trepidation. Aware that even though her body was healed from childbirth, she was still tender and worriedly wondered if she was going to be able to accommodate his size.

But after his gentle foreplay and her own greedy need, Deanna was so consumed with desire that she no longer cared if he hurt her. She just needed him inside her. She just ached to complete the union.

As Will slowly entered her, her moist heat made him nearly lose his senses; he had to struggle to hold on as her tender tightness enveloped him. Gently, he slid further into her until he could go no further and held still, feeling her pulse against him, knowing that his own was echoing the motion.

Will watched as a sadness flittered over her features and wondered what had suddenly caused it. Was she remembering the last time with her husband? Maybe she truly wasn't ready for this stage of their relationship to happen, despite what her mouth and her body were telling him. Deanna was far more complex than that and he briefly chided himself for thinking that their love-making would be what he expected it to be. Wanted it to be.

Will studied her face. He didn't want to take advantage of her in her sorrow, and yet she had asked him of her own free will to become lovers. Still embedded deep inside her, Will leaned forward and gently kissed her, testing her response to his romantic gesture. If she was going to let go, he realized it would be now. He knew kissing her would release the grief that she was holding inside, if it was going to come.

He moulded his mouth to hers, keeping the pressure light and teasing, turning this way and that, sliding his tongue around the lush and now swollen lips, gently nipping and slipping his tongue inside to touch hers. Their bodies were still; the sex momentarily forgotten as Will concentrated on Deanna, and only Deanna. Cupping her shoulders within his large palms, he felt Deanna slide her arms around his shoulders and they both mutually deepened the kiss, twisting and turning as desire began to build again, eventually forcing their bodies to gently move together, unable to fight the power of the union any longer.

Her inner canal was tight around him and for a moment he couldn't feel anything but her. Tearing his mouth away, Will reached down a hand and slid it under her thigh, pulling her leg higher so that he could deepen the contact. He watched her beautiful face, feeling blessed that she had given herself to him. God, how much he loved this woman, how much he cared for her, and how much he physically ached for her.

Opening her eyes as the waves of tenderness engulfed her, Deanna looked into his eyes now dark smoky-blue with his ardour, Will studied her, his admiration for her fuelling his desire. The depth of his feelings that she felt and saw created an ache in her chest. How she loved this man, a man that had come to her in her darkest hours and simply stepped into his place beside her as though he'd never been gone.

But he had, and it was her fault. Everything was her fault. She used to think that it was Will holding back before, but it wasn't, it was her. It was always her; afraid of being hurt again, or rejected again. Deep in her soul, she knew that that was not the case. Will loved her, he had always loved her, but she'd been too afraid.

And then she'd simply upped and married Jal. Deanna was too afraid to go to Will and give him the chance to pledge his love for her when she realized that her feelings for Jal were getting stronger and stronger, strong enough to consider marriage. Several times she had approached Will's quarters to give him the chance to ask her not to marry him; to tell her that he loved her and wanted her for himself, but she'd refused to let her heart rule her head, and within weeks, she was married, with Will's blessing.

And now she was here, right where she wanted to be in the first place, because she'd failed. She'd failed Jal, herself, and Will. But because he loved her, Will had let her step back straight into his heart and arms as though Jal had never happened. But he had happened, and she was consciously aware that if Jal hadn't become a part of her life, even though it was for only a short time, she and Will would still just be good friends. Close friends. The best of friends.

They were lovers because she'd failed.

Will watched the dark eyes that studied him fill with tears. His loving had slowed as he gently gyrated inside her, relishing the moment and the movement. He never thought this day would ever happen for them again, and he never thought he'd get the chance to go back. Unable to take his gaze from her, Will slowly began to move harder, watching with fascination as the hovering tears trickled down her temples and into her hair as he jolted her body against the hard, unforgiving table, gripping her thighs within his hard grip to hold her still as he steadily pounded into her.

He continued his rough thrusts until she cried out, her eyes squeezing shut as she struggled against the pains in her heart and soul as they collided with the euphoric pleasures that her Imzadi was creating for her. He quickened his pace as he felt an inner pressure begin to build, escalated by Deanna's tears and the overwhelming sorrow that robbed her of the magical feeling that she should be experiencing. Leaning forward again, Will captured her lips, harsher than he meant to, but she met him, nonetheless, her arms clinging to his neck, holding him to her as he loved her body, hiding her eyes as her tears began to fall.

Will felt the quivers against his torso, the tiny tell-tale shudders that told him that she was crying in earnest. Her mouth trembled beneath his and he desperately tried to kiss away her grief, plunging his tongue deep into her mouth, catching the sad whimpers that tore from her throat.

A moment later, Will tore his mouth away from hers and pushed himself up onto his elbows. Deanna's body shook with her silent sobs and her face was contorted with grief. It ripped at Will's heart to witness her loss and her pain. But still he continued to move inside her, seemingly locked with her body, unable to let go as though the devil was taking hold of his soul until the deed was done, prolonging the agony, tormenting her tormentor.

But eventually, Will came as his fingers dug into the soft flesh upon her thighs as he shuddered his release before dragging her body up into a sitting position, pulling her up hard against him, enfolding her within his arms, letting her spend her tears against his shoulder, and shedding a few of his own at having to put her through the ordeal of laying her husband's memory to rest.

Disengaging his body from hers, Will swept the weeping woman up into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. Pulling back the coverlet, Will lay her on the lilac sheet, took a moment to check on Danya, who slept peacefully in the crib beside the bed, and then slipped under the covers himself, never considering on returning to his own quarters, like he usually did.

They had finally made the move from friends to lovers, purely because it had been the next logical and obvious step. Will was here to stay and become a part of the family that he'd so badly wanted. Determined to put their lives to rights once more after he had kissed away Deanna's tears, and after they both had gotten some sleep, they would talk.

Chapter eighteen

Deanna watched with trepidation and affection as Beverly cradled her son against her shoulder, tucking the nursing rag against between him and her, Will stood beside her, his arm casually surrounding her shoulders, but the motion was anything but casual, acutely aware that Deanna needed his support and tenderness, now more than ever.

"He'll be in safe hands, Deanna. Trust me." The vibrant red-head assured her, sincerity and sureness in her words. "You two need this time alone and you can't do what you need to do with this darling little bundle butting in all the time, can you?"

Deanna made to step forward but Will held her gently but firmly, his grip tightening just a fraction, reminding her that he was there with her and that she needed to let her son go so that they could do the talking and planning that they so desperately needed without interruption.

Will felt Deanna's form wilt with resignation, the puff of frustration leaving her lungs at the same time before her eyes focused on the child that she wouldn't see for two long days, unless something drastically went wrong with either him, or them. Will squeezed her quickly, moving even closer to her side and unconsciously, she slipped her arm around his waist, glad that he was there.

Planting a tender kiss on Danya's head, Beverly turned to the door and headed determinedly towards it saying softly in a sing-song tone, "Say goodbye to mommy and daddy, sweetheart, and tell them to have some fun. Meanwhile, you and me, little guy, are going to have a ball with Uncle Jean-Luc, aren't we, sweetheart?"

For a long moment the couple stared silently at the now closed door before Will took two quiet steps and come to a stand in front of the woman he loved, searching her eyes which were suspiciously bright as she seemingly stared straight through him at the door behind.

"He'll be alright, Deanna, you know he will." He said gently with understanding, moving both of his hands to her shoulders and massaging away the tension he felt beneath his fingers.

His voice broke the trance and Deanna rose her face to his, blinking away the pain that she knew he saw there. "I know. I just...miss him, already." she whispered with a shrug.

Will chuckled as he dragged her against his body, "Well, if I know Beverly, Danya won't be missing you, not for quite some time. I must say though," he added with a grin, "I'd like to be a fly on the wall when she plonks Danya in Uncle Jean-Luc's arms for the first time."

And as Deanna giggled against his throat with the amusing image racing through her mind, Will felt her tension melt clean away. Casually moving her away far enough so that he could see her face, Will said, with the laughter still in his voice, "So, do we go and make mad passionate love, Miss Troi," and then the laughter left him as he looked down at her with nothing but love in his blue eyes and asked, "or do we talk the talk?"

Standing on tip-toe, Deanna reached up and touched her lips lightly to his and whispered sensually, "Can we do a little of both, Imzadi?"

Will's face broke into a smile as he reached down and slipped her hand into his and turned her towards the bedroom and led the way. "Now that's my kinda talk."

~*~

Will sank into Deanna and moaned in ecstasy as he tipped back his head and gasped to the heavens. "Oh, God, Deanna, you feel so damn good."

Deanna chuckled, reached up and dragged Will's head down to hers and kissed him deeply. Now unable to move his upper body, Will gyrated gently against her, the minimalistic movement as erotic as any other that they'd done before.

Their bodies slicked with sweat glistened in the room's dim interior. Closing the port-hole shutters and turning out the lights once they'd said goodbye to Danya and Beverly, Will and Deanna had stripped naked and climbed into bed. For a long time they had simply lay in each others arms, content to just simply be together, until, eventually, someone's hand moved. And then's someone's foot dragged along a silky calf. And then a nipple was gently bitten, and then, together, they attacked each other as though they'd been starved of attention for eons.

Deanna tore her mouth away from Will's as sensation upon sensation tugged at her womb, creating an ache that began to throb inside her. Only one man had ever managed to elicit that depth of feeling from her and that man was Will. As memories crashed through her and as she crushed her face against his shoulder, her nails unwittingly ragged his back, Deanna struggled, and failed to hold onto her emotions. 'Why? Why? Why?' she cried silently. 'Why didn't Will love me this way before. What did I do wrong? What stopped?'

So acutely atuned to her, Will felt the change within Deanna again as he clung precariously onto his impending release. His back stung where Deanna's nails dug into his skin - not that he was complaining, usually. It all added to the moment. It all contributed to the intense depth of feeling that they both experienced when they exploded within each other, usually.

But not this time as he quickly realized that Deanna was beating herself up again. Lifting his head from her neck, Will studied her face in the darkness, unsure whether to make a big thing of her uncanny ability to shatter romantic moments, or to make light of it,

Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut, and unable to resist the pull of her tempting mouth, Will touched her lips with his tongue, tracing their delicate shape with the tip before gently placing a tender kiss upon them. "Deanna, honey, are you going to cry again?" he asked quietly, tenderly.

Eyes, full of glistening, unshed tears slipped open and looked into his. "No," she whispered, determination forcing her words to tremble and her plea from her heart desperate. "I'm not. Don't stop loving me, Will, please."

His heart melting with warmth, Will gathered her up into his arms, crushing her against his hard body and cursed huskily against her head, "Shit, Deanna, don't you know? I've never stopped loving you, ever, dammit!"

"Then why?!" she cried, as the tears slipped unheeded down into her hair. "Why didn't you marry me instead of Jal, Will? Why didn't you stop me? Why didn't you love me enough to marry me? What did I do wrong?!"

Will's body stilled. Even though he was still embedded deep inside her, Will rose himself onto his elbows and took her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. God, he was suddenly angry, and hurt. "You, did nothing wrong, Deanna. I screwed up here, big time. Me, not you. You did nothing wrong."

Kissing away some of the tears and stroking her hair gently, Will continued hoarsely, "When you came and told me that you were marrying Jal, Deanna, I didn't know what the hell to do. I knew I'd left it too late for us, but I couldn't stop you. I didn't feel that I had that right." he explained with frustration.

"But I wanted you to stop me, Will!" She sniffled, unable to tear her face away from his gripping fingers, making her confront him so that she was unable to hide her face or her feelings away from him.

"Then why did you go ahead and marry him, Deanna! Why didn't you say something - anything that would have given me a clue??" he asked, realizing that his voice was rising. Purposely he dropped it as he asked another question. "Deanna, why didn't you come to me?"

Deanna's complete body deflated, Will felt it and saw it and an inner panic settled in his own. Realizing that his libido had completely gone now, he slipped effortlessly from her body and settled his thighs upon hers, letting her flatten her legs beside him, but he still held onto her face. This was clearly the confrontation that was needed before they could move on and Will was determined to settle it, once and for all, no matter who was to blame.

He asked again, steely determination lacing his one solitary word as the war to put their love to rights began. "Deanna?"

Chapter nineteen

"Because I was afraid you'd turn me away."

Her devastating words shocked Will into silence for a long, tense moment. He stared into her damp eyes as though he'd never really done so before, stunned that the thought of him doing what she'd feared had actually ran through her crazy mind.

And even though Deanna had spoken her excuse out loud, Will still didn't believe it, or comprehend it and his voice was tinged with puzzlement when he finally spoke. "Deanna, do you really, honestly think I would have done that to you?"

Deanna's heart hurt with the pain that flickered through it as she looked deep into his soul and sought the truth and then found it there.

"Yes." she replied, the whisper falling from her mouth, sure and true.

Will swallowed the gasp that left his lungs as he continued to study her in the dimness, suddenly wishing that there was more light so that he could see her, and more importantly, so that she could see what her one simple word had done to him.

"You can't mean that?" he muttered breathlessly, forcing the words out as his pulse began to thump throughout his body.

Deanna feebly pushed at Will's chest and Will, suddenly needing to put some space between them, gladly moved away from her naked body. Pulling himself to an unsteady stand, he reached for his pants and yanked them on, the sound of the zipper closing was deafening in the taut silence.

Dragging the sheet around her body to cover herself, Deanna unsteadily swung her feet to the floor, bitterness and regret etching her words when she told him, "You seem to keep forgetting that I'm an empath, Will."

With his hands on his hips, Will looked down upon Deanna and for a moment, he was seeing her with different eyes. He loved her, there was absolutely no question about that, but sometimes - sometimes she just totally and utterly baffled him.

"Deanna, the one thing that I never forget is that you ~are~ an empath." And then, as though something occurred to him, a deep, troubled frown appeared upon his forehead and he asked, "What did you see when you delved into my psyche, hmm?"

Will stood upright and began to pace the floor before her before continuing, the remembered agony evident in his tortured voice. "Did you see the pain that was crushing me from within because you were marrying a man that you didn't really love, well, not in the same way that I loved you, anyway?" Relentlessly he carried on. "Did you hear me crying into my pillow the night you got married because that day, you had completely broken my heart?

Coming back to a halt in front of her, Will bent at the waist, leaning down closer to her, locking her eyes with his as he continued emotionally, "Deanna, didn't it occur to you that the reason I was deliberately shutting you out was because it hurt too much to keep you there?" He said, tapping his chest lightly to highlight his point.

But then Will reached out the same unsteady hand and touched her face, brushing away a tear that had gathered and fallen. "Imzadi," he said, huskily, "I love you. I wanted what you wanted, and you seemed to want Jal. Sweetheart, if you'd have come to me, I would never have turned you away, never, unless you truly wanted me to do so. All you had to do was say, or ask, or let me know. You could have hit me, yelled at me, or even kissed me! Any one of those things, Deanna. Any one would have told me what you really felt and wanted."

Will dropped his hand to her fingers and pulled her to her feet and added, "You could have just said that you loved me. It would have been enough for me to have come to you. It would have been enough for me to know you were sure."

By the time he had finished his heart-felt declaration, Deanna was within Will's arms, holding him close and her hands were sliding up his bare back, settling on his shoulder blades. "Oh, Will," she cried against his throat, "I didn't know! All I saw when I looked into your heart was emptiness. I was certain that you didn't want me. I'd convinced myself that Jal could replace you because you didn't care enough for me."

Reaching her face up so that she could touch her lips to his, she whispered, "But I was wrong, wasn't I? You cared so much for me that I left you no choice but to let me go."

"I was a fool, Deanna, a damned fool. But I won't make the same mistake again." he growled as he devoured her mouth briefly, plunging his tongue inside, desperate to feel the connection between them once more, before suddenly tearing his lips away. Cupping her face within his large palms, he murmured urgently, as he rained tiny kisses about her stunned, upturned face. "Marry me, Deanna. Now, today."

Unable to remove her face from Will's grip, Deanna could only offer a garbled, strangled, "What!? Are you serious!?"

Halting his ministrations, Will looked deep into her eyes and whispered, "Deadly. I want us to be married, today. Here, in this room, with just the captain, Beverly and Danya to witness it. No one else, Deanna, no one, and I'm not going to take no for an answer."

Feeling as though she was floating on a cloud, Deanna stared at Will with bemused wonder. Laughing nervously into his handsome face, it suddenly dawned on her that this was exactly what she wanted; things to be taken out of her hands, things that she secretly had wanted and craved to happen, just like that.

"Yes," she whispered, deciding there and then before sense could intervene and snatch her dream away. A fresh wave of tears threatened, but her smile revealed how she honestly felt. "let's do it, now, today."

Releasing the breath that he hadn't realized he was holding, Will crushed Deanna to his body, fiercely holding her against him as he became overcome with emotion. "I know I should have done this a long time ago, Imzadi, but I swear to you, now that I've got you, I am never going to let you go."

Deanna's heart soared. "I love you, Will."

"And I love you, Deanna." Will responded back, feeling happier than he'd felt for eons, excitement zipping through him as the implications of what she was telling him filtered through his befuddled mind. Determined to not chance anything else going wrong, he dropped a quick kiss upon her mouth and said urgently, "Let's go find the captain, okay?"

Grinning, she nodded and reached for his hand, tugging him towards the doorway. Frowning when she felt resistance, she followed Will's gaze to her lower body. "Ooops," she giggled when she remembered what she was not wearing. "I guess I'd better put some clothes on."

Yanking on her arm, Will grinned devilishly as he pulled her back towards him, tugging away the sheet as he did so, not finding any resistance to his bold move. "In a minute, my love. I think we've got some making up to do first, don't you?"

As she followed him down on to the bed, Deanna laughed as she reached for his zipper, tugging it down as quickly as he'd previously pulled it up, tucking her palm inside and embracing him briefly within her hand before pushing the material down his lengthy thighs. "I think I can spare you a few minutes, and then I want us married. I want us legal."

And as Will's mouth found her large and luscious nipple, taking it between his lips and suckling it gently, he growled passionately as he moved his face up to meet hers, hurriedly pushing his pants down the rest of the way with his toes and eventually off his feet, kicking them away with relief and settling his long and hard length between her legs, nudging himself into the welcoming, hot, blossoming cradle of her body, "Fancy making it a shotgun wedding, Imzadi?"

~*End*~