SILENT WHISPERS
by Carol Sandford

Chapter eleven

The shuttle had been soaring through open space for near on an hour, heading ever nearer and nearer to the Enterprise, but not near enough. Another half and hour or so and he would be close enough to transmit a message and prepare them for his arrival.

Sinking back into his seat, Will tiredly rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted. He hadn't slept for more than twenty four hours. Other things had gotten in the way, things like the woman and child that slumbered behind him, completely oblivious to his dire need to join them. Unable to resist the pull of being beside Deanna again, Will set the shuttle on auto-pilot and made his way to the shuttle's rear.

Grabbing the thick coat that he had long ago discarded when the shuttle began to heat, Will lay it on the floor beside Deanna's cot. As he lowered his tall frame to the floor, Will couldn't resist studying her face once more. He couldn't believe that she was there with him, going home to the Enterprise. Softly moving a curly tendril away from her cheek, Will smiled warmly to himself. Right then, at that moment, he was the happiest man alive, and as he lay down on the floor beside her, he drifted off into a deep sleep, thinking of Deanna, junior, and himself, strolling through a park, all holding hands, happy to be alive, and together.

A little while later, Deanna stirred, rousing herself from the deep, drugging sleep of the unwell. And she was unwell, she knew that. She was losing too much blood, even with the drugs that Will had pumped into her. The loss was already done; they'd been too long in stopping the worst of the loss. She felt heady, hot and weak, and a vagueness continually threatened to consume her mind.

Deanna desperately tried to focus on just one thing and one thing only. William Riker. He was the one constant in her life. He was the one image that swam through her fuzzy senses. He was the one man that kept her alive with his undying love. He was there, with her, for her, always, and she needed him. She needed to see him, touch him, and tell him.

Twisting her head, Deanna tried to see into the cockpit. The tiny squirm upon her chest reminded her that she'd got her son upon her and the hands that had fallen to her sides in her sleep rose to comfort him. Trying again to see into the cockpit, Deanna was perturbed to find the pilot missing. Panic quickly surged through her when she thought he'd abandoned her, but then she remembered who was piloting the shuttle. Will Riker and Will would never abandon her.

Swinging her gaze around the dim interior of the shuttle, she focused her thoughts on him. But when she heard a feint snore, she looked over the edge of her cot and found what she had been searching for. Weakly smiling at the sight that met her, Deanna dropped her arm over the edge and reached for the large hand that sat spread upon his chest. Lacing her fingers with his, Deanna sighed and closed her eyes, instantly drifting off to sleep again.

When Will woke a short while later somewhat refreshed, but more than aware that he had not had anywhere near enough sleep to sustain him for long, the first thing Will felt was the rock hard metallic hull beneath his aching back. The second was the burning sensation within his fingers. Lifting his hand to see the cause, Will was startled to find Deanna's fingers interlocked with his, and they were hot with fever.

Quickly rising to his knees, Will lay his somewhat cooler hand against her cheek, aghast to find it as hot as her hand. "Christ," he muttered under his breath, before lifting the coverlet to check on the child. Silently studying the rise and fall of his little body, Will breathed a sigh of relief before turning his attention back to his mother.

Tapping her cheek lightly, Will tried to rouse the sleeping woman, but his only response was a garbled moan that told him much more than he wanted to hear. Deanna was in trouble. Even worse trouble than she was in before. Quickly moving to the medikit again, he hunted through the assortment of phials, whispering a prayer that there was something suitable amongst them to help her, whooping silently when his fingers curled around one that he hoped would do the job. Loading the hypo, Will rapidly squeezed the contents into her system and then ran for the cockpit.

Checking his distance, unsure whether the Enterprise was in range or not, Will crossed his fingers and pressed the communication button. "Riker to Enterprise, come in. Riker to Enterprise, come in please. Medical emergency."

He waited a heart-stopping whole minute before, at last, the Enterprise responded. "Enterprise here, Commander Riker, it's good to hear your voice. What is the nature of the emergency, Will?"

"I have Deanna Troi on board with me who is haemorrhaging pretty badly and a very premature infant that requires urgent medical care. How soon can you reach me, Captain? I can't get to you for another three hours at my current speed and I need you sooner than that." Will pleaded.

"Hang on, Will, we're on our way." he promised. "Ensign, lay in a course for Commander Riker's position, warp nine."

"Aye sir, laying in course now, warp nine." said the young voice of Ensign Calloway.

Slumping back in his seat, Will released the lungful of air that he'd been holding and laughed aloud. "Ha haaaa!" he cried, "We made it!" Hurrying out of his seat and back to Deanna's side, Will dropped to his knees, catching her fevered fingers within his. Tenderly stroking her damp brow, Will smiled for the first time in ages with genuine relief. "Hang on in there, darling, you're nearly home," he soothed, his heart and soul soaring with joy. "You're nearly home."

Chapter twelve

When Will watched his ship, the Enterprise glide up to him, appearing like a captured dream from the vast, unfathomable reaches of space, it always made the breath catch in his throat at her majestic stature. Even amongst other ships, the Enterprise always led the way. She was a leader, led by an even greater leader. She was, to Will, more than a ship. She was home. His home.

As he approached the shuttle bay and passed through the invisible shield, Will began to tremble with relief as a sea of familiar, welcome faces watched his arrival. The instant his engines shut down, a swarm of people stormed the shuttle, and heading them all was Doctor Beverly Crusher.

Will had spied the portable incubator and the antigrav stretcher waiting along side the crowd as he'd powered down the engines and the sight of them allowed him to exhale the pent up air that he had gotten stranded within his lungs, and with it, releasing the coil of tension that he'd been harbouring until the Enterprise had appeared before him like a huge, gleaming, silver knight in shining armour.

Never, never in his entire life, had he been so pleased to cast his eyes upon a more welcoming sight. Deanna and her son would live, and more importantly, he was going to get a second chance at getting it right between them once their ordeals were over.

Will pushed himself out of his seat, then quietly stood and watched as Beverly and two other medical staff swooped inside the tiny shuttle and began to assess Deanna and her newborn. Will heard Beverly's faint gasp as she lifted off the blanket and found, possibly the tiniest baby that she had ever seen, and without even seeing her face, Will knew that Beverly's eyes were now full of tears. He was sure that they were because his own welled when he saw the tiny scrap of life cradled upon his Imzadi's breast.

It was confirmed when barely a second later, her face turned and looked up into his, their blue watery depths full of questions, love and concern. Will silently stared at her back through suspiciously bright eyes, suddenly unable to utter one word. The euphoria of getting Deanna back to the Enterprise evaporated as he turned his gaze back to the unconscious prone figure that was being prepared to transfer to the antigrav stretcher.

Even then, Will watched in silent awe as her arms instinctively rose to hold onto her child, and the touching movement broke through the last invisible barricade that Will had erected around himself, and he gulped back the huge sob that he'd held on to so vigilantly up to now - up until he knew that Deanna was safe.

Through his tears, Will watched as Beverly gently unlaced Deanna's arms and picked up the infant, wrapping his tiny body in a small thick and soft quilted material before quickly hurrying him to the waiting incubator just outside the shuttle door. The seconds ticked painfully past before she stepped back inside and knelt down beside Deanna, the tricorder in her hand running along her body telling her everything she needed to know, and more besides.

"My God, she has lost so much blood. Alyssa." she cried out, aloud, before her professional side snapped back into place. "Counselor Troi is going to need a transfusion, stat." Frowning, she studied the small life-saving piece of equipment in her hand. "There's also something else going on here; some kind of other infection."

Turning to Will, her heart broke in two when she saw the tears running down the big man's face as he watched her assessing Deanna. Realizing that his grief was more to do with a deep inner relief than anything else, Beverly pushed aside her concern for her friend and spoke to him. "Will, what happened out there, can you shed some light on what's happening to Deanna?"

Will gulped back the choking tears and focused on her face rather than Deanna's comatose body. Taking a deep breath, he lifted his shoulders in a helpless shrug. "I don't know, Bev. The birth went fine. The afterbirth came away fine. Everything was fine until several hours later." His features twisted with the painful memory that he had to share. "She, she must of heard me resuscitating the boy and got out of bed to see. That's when we first saw the blood."

Remembering the horrifying moment, Will's eyes watered again and his chin wobbled as he brokenly told her, the vision of the blood pouring unheeded from her tortured loins. "God, Bev, she bled out so much, I didn't know how to help her. I...I really screwed up, didn't I?" he asked, miserably.

Before he'd even asked the question, Bev had realized that Will was blaming himself for Deanna's misfortune and quickly rising, she forcibly pushed herself against Will's body before he crumpled and held onto him tightly, forcing him to do the same to her, just as she needed him to. Will needed a friend right then, a friend that cared, and she did, she always did, very much.

All the guilt, worry and responsibility Will had willingly taken on, despite not knowing one single thing about how to deal with a premature birth or the problems associated with one, had taken it's toll and he clung onto Beverly and wept quietly into her shoulder. She could hear the quiet activity going on in the background; her nurses preparing Deanna to be shifted from the shuttle and onto the stretcher. The tell-tale silence that told her that they could hear everything that was being said, embarrassed at witnessing their superior officer's desperate moment of unguarded grief, but professional enough to know that grief, in any form, needed to be released, and neither of them begrudged their Commanding Officer that. He'd more than earned his right to let it go.

Despite the urgency to get Deanna into sickbay and stabilized, Beverly needed to allay the commander's fears, aware that her team were doing their job perfectly well without her. "It was not your fault, Will." she soothed. "If you hadn't have been there, Deanna would have died. You've saved her life, Will, and you've saved the life of her son, too. None of this is your fault," she reiterated strongly, tugging herself away from his bulk, forcing him to look into her eyes. "Will, listen to me, Deanna would be dead now, if it weren't for you."

She was so close to him that she could see herself in his tear-filled eyes. Gently, she shook him as she spoke. "Come on, you've got her home, Will, let's make the trip worthwhile, okay?"

Dragging her back to him, Will placed a shaky loud kiss on top of her auburn curls before releasing her with a huge sniff. "You're right. Ignore me, I'm just being..."

Smiling tenderly, Beverly broke away from him, pulling herself out of his arms as she did so. "You're just being human, Will, a trait that you men seem to regularly forget."

Moving to the shuttle doorway, Beverly spoke to the gathering outside. "The antigrav won't fit inside the shuttle. I need someone to carry Counselor Tr....."

A voice she knew came from behind her. "I'll carry her, Doctor."

Stepping out of his way as Will bent and lifted the sleeping woman into his arms, Beverly followed him out as he carried Deanna to the stretcher. A sea of eyes watched him and at that moment, Will felt as exposed as he'd ever been, but he was beyond caring. He only cared about one thing right then, and she was right there, in his arms.

Reluctantly, Will lay Deanna upon the stretcher and within a second she was moving away from him. Following behind, the doctor trotted to keep up, her blue coat fanning out behind her in her haste to get to her patient to sickbay. Will stood ramrod still and watched as his soul mate disappear from view. He began to breath again when she turned the corner, completely taking her out of his sight, but even so, he could still sense her, still feel her struggle to hold onto the thin thread of life that kept her with him.

Strangely, Will had forgotten that there were others in the shuttle bay with him and when he felt a comforting hand settle upon his broad shoulder, Will turned his head and looked down into the warm, concerned eyes of his captain. "Come on, Will. I think we could do with a drink or two." the older man told him. He was already prepared for the response that he knew he'd get and when Will went to open his mouth, his hand rose and aimed for the woman that had been whisked away from him, Jean-Luc Picard cut him off. "She's in good hands, Will, and so is her baby. You can't do anything more for her until Doctor Crusher has them both stabilized."

Sensing, and knowing Will's reluctance to stop himself from going to Deanna's side, he added, "Beverly will let you know when it'll be prudent to go to her, Will, you know she will." Feeling and watching the taller man's shoulders slump in defeat, Picard patted his shoulder again, effectively moving Will from his spot. "Come on, commander," he smiled, gently pushing, "let's go and raise a glass or two for the Enterprise's latest recruit."

Smiling with the irony of Picard's ridiculous statement, Will's feet finally moved. "Yes, you're right, sir. I need to gather my head again. I think I've been on automatic pilot for the last two days.

"Yes," he agreed, "but it's got you home, Will, along with someone who we thought we'd never seen again. I'm proud of you, commander. Is there no end to your talents?"

Will wearily chuckled, "That was one talent I don't ever want to experience again, sir."

Smiling knowingly as they reached the captains suite, Picard entered his access code, allowing the doors to his private rooms to open, he followed his first officer inside. Without even being politely asked to sit, Will slumped onto the dark, suede covered couch, dropped his head back onto it's back, rubbed at his fatigued eyes, letting out a puff of weary breath. He groaned unashamedly, "Damn, I'm tired."

Pouring a large, healthy shot of his own private stock of whisky into a tumbler, Picard poured a smaller measure for himself before handing Will his glass. "Here's to a successful mission, Will. Well done."

Gratefully taking the glass from the outstretched hand, Will stared appreciatively at the amber liquid before downing a large swig, sighing with contentment at the immediate effect that it had on him. Turning his face back up to his superior, Will said seriously, "Don't gloat yet, Captain. I left behind a very pissed husband who's not too pleased that I've stolen his wife, sir."

"Stolen?" Picard scowled, dropping his frame to the edge of another seat facing Riker. "Care to elaborate on the term, 'stolen', Commander?"

"Stolen, sir, as in, Jal arrived just as I was about to leave and he wasn't happy about me taking his wife away, even if it was to save her life. I crippled his ship, Jean-Luc, but I don't think that'll stop him for long."

"I see," the older man said thoughtfully, "do you think he will come after Deanna?" he asked.

"Maybe," he replied, shrugging nonchalantly, taking another sip of the whiskey. "Maybe not." Will thought again for a long moment and then added. "Yes, sir, I think maybe he will. I've taken away something that he holds dear."

"Deanna." Picard stated knowingly, frowning when he watched Will shake his head a moment later.

"Nah, he couldn't give a damn about her, or their son. When I kicked his butt I took away his pride. Now that really pissed him off. He'll come after us, not only for Deanna because she's his property, but because he can't do anything else 'but' come. I've humiliated him, captain. There's no way that he can let that slip past."

Pushing himself to his feet, Will followed suit, handing him back the glass now devoid of liquid. "Thank you sir, I needed that more than I realized." He said, gratefully and then added, "As for Jal, sir, he's my problem, not the Enterprise's. I'll deal with him when he eventually catches up with us."

Pursing his lips thoughtfully, Picard eventually spoke. "You're a member of this crew, Will, and so is Deanna now. We'll deal with Jal Collser if and when it happens. Now, Will, I'm ordering you to get some rest. I don't want you to step foot inside sickbay for at least three hours. Do I make myself clear, Commander?"

For a long moment Will battled between insubordination and bone wary fatigue. He was exhausted, and the large shot of whisky he'd just had, had just about finished him off - just what had been Picard's intention when he'd offered him the drink in the first place. In the end exhaustion won out and he mumbled wearily. "Yes, sir, crystal. See you in a few hours."

Picard watched Will walk down the corridor, his large feet almost dragging along the soft grey carpet with tiredness. But even despite the order to stay away from sickbay, he knew darned well that his order would be ignored, and sure enough, when he quietly entered sickbay one hour later to check on Beverly and her new patients, he found his first officer curled up in a chair beside Deanna Troi's bed, his dark head upon the mattress at her side, with Deanna's fingers gently cupping his face as they both slept the sleep of the dead. The tiny baby in it's incubator beside her slept peacefully too.

Shaking his head with a smile, Picard turned and headed out muttering good naturedly as he turned the corner, "I really must admonish that bugger one of these days." And then he laughed, quietly adding, "Why the hell bother? He'd still bloody ignore me!"

Chapter thirteen

Slowly, quietly, Deanna drifted from the deep, drugging fog of unnatural sleep. Unable to open her eyes, she allowed herself to let the sounds around her guide her to her whereabouts. The comforting high-pitched, 'beep, beep', of machinery around her told her that she was in a medical facility. The familiar smells that accompanied the sounds confirmed it. And then she heard a voice. A very much loved voice. A very much missed voice.

Beverly Crushers.

The realization that she was on board the Enterprise was the final heart-stopping, penny-dropping climax to her Deanna's confusion and when the beeping accelerated, alerting the doctor and the other anxiously waiting occupants of sickbay that she was stirring, Deanna finally forced her heavy eyelids to open, only to find herself staring into a set of smiling, watery pale blue eyes.

"Good morning, counselor, it's nice to finally have you back with us."

Fully aware of the double entendre of her greeting, Deanna grinned weakly at her long lost friend, and reached for her hand so that she truly could feel that she was real. She opened her mouth to speak, but Beverly stopped her simply with a look and a mild reprimand. "Hey, not yet, Missy, you've got a lot of recovering to do."

Smiling tenderly as she glanced away to the other side of her bed, she added, "I have a rather gorgeous little boy who is waiting for his mommy to give him a cuddle."

Deanna gasped as everything that was missing from her memory rushed back to her; why she was back on the Enterprise, the unfamiliar aches and pains that racked her body, and the loss of the precious being inside her. Lost, but not gone. Deanna raised her head from the pillow only to have Beverly push her back onto it again. "Oh, Beverly," she croaked, her eyes wild with fear. "is he okay?"

Deanna's eyes followed Beverly as she moved to the other side of the bed and reached into the small incubator that sat barely a foot away from her side. Now clad in a ridiculously small romper suit, complete with a tiny hat upon his hand sized head, her baby looked beautiful and perfectly fine as Beverly tenderly picked him up, laying a feather-light kiss upon his downy forehead before giving him over to the trembling outstretched hands that were waiting impatiently.

"Oh, darling, darling," Deanna crooned tearfully as she slowly pulled him close to her body, her eyes squeezing shut to valiantly keep away the tidal wave of tears that threatened to consume her. "I'm so glad you made it." She lay the tiny boy back in it's familiar place upon her chest and gently stroked his back, feeling the infant settle beneath her fingers.

Sighing with a contentment that only a mother could comprehend, Deanna's head fell back against the pillow, tiredness enveloping her once more. Knowing that herself and her son were now completely in safe hands was more than Deanna could take.

Once more, some divine being had seen fit to save her life again. 'How many more times will I be blessed with good fortune?' she wondered, unable to resist leaning down again to place another gentle kiss upon her son's head, breathing in the unmistakable scent of a baby. 'How many more times will someone keep coming to save my sorry soul?'

'As many times as it takes to make sure you keep coming back to me, Imzadi,' whispered silently back to her and Deanna's breath caught, bringing a fresh wave of tears to her still damp eyes. 'You know I'll always be here looking out for you.'

Even before Deanna's gaze drifted across to him, she knew exactly where Will would be standing, knew the loving look that would be upon his face, and be aware that his love for her would be there, shining in his blue eyes. And, at last, the tears that she had tried to keep at bay escaped when she looked into her saviour, and her one true love's face. Her chin wobbled as she smiled radiantly through the cascade of tears as she reached out for him.

Will gladly allowed Deanna to pull him down so that she could kiss him. For two long days, he had ached for this moment. For two long days he had sat by her side and willed her to live just so that he could receive the kiss that she freely gave. Mindful of the audience around them, Will only allowed the intimate touch of their lips a fraction of the time that they craved, even though it almost killed him to pull away from her eager mouth after just a second or two of pure heaven.

For two long days it had been touch and go, not only for Deanna, but for her child too. The boy had been impossibly underweight and nowhere near ready to be brought into this world. He had barely weighed two pounds when Beverly had gingerly weighed him to assess him for the levels of treatment and care that he was going to need. But more importantly, the first thing the doctor had done was artificially strengthen his fragile heart and lungs so that he could live. The rest could be left to develop naturally.

But he was a long way from being regarded as, 'out of danger'. But watching him now as he fidgeted upon his mother's breast searching for his supper, Will could only smile lovingly at the adorable scene, failing to smother the ache of longing in his heart, unable to believe that they were both here, safely aboard the Enterprise, and safely back within his heart, where they both now belonged.

Chapter fourteen

The scene was surreal. In the intimate privacy of Deanna's quarters, the new mother sat curled up on her couch with her feet tucked comfortably up underneath her thighs. Her son, barely much bigger than her hand, suckled noisily at her breast, his minuscule fist lay against the swollen mound, it's paleness a stark contrast against his mothers skin. And sitting beside them both with his arm laying protectively around Deanna's shoulders as he watched the nursing infant with a tender smile and complete adoration and contentment upon his handsome face, was William Riker.

He simply could not keep away from either Deanna or the little one. Taking on the role as surrogate father and husband had become as natural as breathing for him. There had been no questions, no concerns and no guilty feeling towards Jal. Deanna had simply taken up her life on board the Enterprise and Will had been beside her all the way.

It had been three weeks since the fateful day since Will had come to Deanna and her son's aid. Because of Beverly's excellent care and technology that went beyond what they could ever have hoped for, the tiny being, born too soon, too small and too fragile had been saved, and even though he was still very small, he was thriving. More so because of the love that was constantly showered upon him by his mother, the man that wanted to be his father, and the moonstruck crew of the Enterprise.

Reaching out with his remaining hand, Will stroked the baby's cheek softly with the back of his index finger. Grinning, Deanna watched the tender motion before turning her face to smile into his. Suddenly caught shy at the outright display of longing, Will's cheeks tinged pink as he bashfully looked away from Deanna's knowing gaze.

But she wasn't having any of it. Deanna was proud of her son, and she equally proud of the man beside her. Seeing him with the boy time and time again sharply brought home how much time they had wasted over the years. Had their respective careers not stood in the way, or their own stupid stubbornness at revealing the true feelings that had bubbled beneath the surface for years, Deanna knew that this intimate scene, this beautiful, beautiful moment, would have been for real years ago.

"It's okay, Will," Deanna whispered understandingly, "it is a miracle that we are here together." Turning away, she concentrated on detaching the tiny cherub lips from her breast, tucking herself away before moving him up to her shoulder for the required, 'burp', but even so, Deanna pushed on. Smiling she added as she began to tap the little back rhythmically, her voice crooning against her son's head, lulling the already drowsy child "Don't hide yourself away from me anymore, Will," she pleaded, "you keep forgetting that you're an open book to me and I know how you are feeling," Turning back to face him so that he could see the honesty in her eyes, she added, "about us."

Will stared back at her. He was so close to her face that he could see himself in the deep brown orbs. He was so close that he was sure she could hear his heartbeat as it pounded loud within his own ears. How well she knew him. He was like an open book to her and he wondered just how deeply she had delved to find his utmost desire.

"I know it's wrong," he started, quietly, his eyes never leaving hers. "I know you're married and that I've lost my chance with you, but I can't let you go, either of you."

"I don't want you to, Will." There, she had said it, she had spoken the thought out aloud. She had given him the answer he was searching for. "I want you to fight for us, Will."

For a long moment there was silence as he digested her words. The heartbeat that pounded within his chest became so loud with her admission that he was forced to take deep, steadying breaths to calm himself down. But as Deanna's spare hand snaked up and cupped his jaw, pulling his face to hers, Will's heart began to settle on it's own as it realized that it was about to do what it wanted to do.

Deanna nervously settled her lips against his and theirs sighs met and melded together. Gently, Will's arm moved to circle her waist and he heard the whimper deep within her throat, giving him the permission he needed to pull her tighter to him. Will's tongue tested against her lips and at first Deanna resisted, afraid of stirring the dormant desires within her. But she hadn't counted on Will's persistence, or the need that poured from his soul, pleading with her to let him inside.

It was too soon. She was still married and if she let Will in, he would want more. She would want more. But, God help her, as his large hand began to make circular movements upon her still slightly swollen tummy, bringing to life the womb that had borne her son, the same womb that craved another much wanted child. Will's child, Deanna's resolve slowly but surely crumbled.

A flood of heat pooled within her and set fire and with it came the submission that Will sought. On a tiny cry of frustration and guilt, Deanna's mouth opened and Will darted his tongue within the hot recess and danced with hers before she could change her mind. Growling with satisfaction and desire, he allowed the one word that flooded his senses to escape, the same word that had meant so much to them a lifetime ago but still held the same heart-stopping meaning to them now.

~Imzadi.~

And he heard it reverberate back to him through the link that had lain dormant for so long. Too long.

Cupping her jaw as he broke his lips reluctantly away from hers, Will vowed as he looked deeply into her eyes, "We will find a way, I promise you." Touching his lips to hers again, Deanna saw and felt the truth in his promise and turning her face to the side, Deanna slipped her palm up to cradle his head and deepened the kiss, accepting the change in their relationship, wanting to take it beyond what it was before.

But what was that?

A closet love affair that never got out of the door. But did they even want to open it?

Or be just two close friends that didn't want to rock the comfortable status quo of their relationship?

Or two ticking time-bombs just waiting to explode together?

It was probably - undoubtably, a little of all of them.

The long awaited for 'burp' that Deanna had been waiting for from her son finally burst from his tiny lungs, breaking the intimate bubble that had surrounded the threesome. Reluctantly, Deanna's hand left Will's head and her lips broke away from his at the same time.

Focusing her mind and her attention to the boy, Deanna gently manoeuvred him so that he could nurse from her. Silently, Will watched as Deanna helped him fasten onto her, his tiny fist resuming it's familiar position upon the swell of her breast.

Will felt and heard the restful sigh leave Deanna's mouth as she settled back, closed her eyes and let the precious sensation to come take her over. She loved this time with her little one. With each time that the boy fed from her, Deanna felt their connection strengthen. He was her son. He was in her arms, he was safe and alive, thanks to Will and Beverly. And because of them both, so was she.

Will quietly watched Deanna nurse her child. So many questions filled his head, questions that he desperately needed answers for. Answers that could move them on beyond the hiccup that they seemed to have reached. Will was overjoyed that Deanna had kissed him. It meant he was winning her back. It meant so, so much more than that too, but he wasn't going to push her. He didn't need to, he felt it in her bodily response to him. Deanna wanted him and he was content with that. He was content to wait for as long as need be.

"Have you thought of a name for him yet?" he asked, more to break away from the tumult of questions that couldn't be answered yet.

Lifting her head, Deanna let her gaze onto the now slumbering boy, still attached to her nipple. "I haven't been able to decide," she whispered sadly. "It keeps running through my head that Jal should be involved in naming his son, somehow."

Breaking her gaze, she turned her worried eyes to Will. "Stupid, isn't it? But I can't help it." She shrugged lightly as she switched her gaze back to her son and absently stroked his downy head with the soft pad of her thumb, but something inside her changed and Will felt it, felt the icy grip of dread clutch his heart and knew what she was going to say even before she said it.

"I need to go back there, Will."

Chapter fifteen

Leaving her precious boy behind in the capable hands of his second mommy, Beverly, Deanna and Will left the ship in the same shuttle that they had arrived in not so long ago. Sensing the importance behind Deanna's request to return to the place that she'd called home for a year, Captain Jean-Luc Picard gave his permission, allowing her and her travelling companion, Will Riker, one week to finalize her business with Jal Collser, and then return to her true home, the Enterprise.

As they broke through the planet's orbit, the heavy snows that they had left behind, had stopped falling and now blanketed the breathtaking landscape in a smooth pristine, glistening white carpet. As her eyes swept over the view, Deanna felt a sorrow fill her soul, remembering that it had been on a day exactly like this one when Jal had brought her to his home for the first time.

Then, it had entranced her, but now, she saw it with different eyes, and that pained her to have to think of it in that way. It was a beautiful planet, one that she had loved for a short time. But with no one to talk to and no where to go, and no husband to be by her side, the planet had become a prison for her, and if she hadn't have felt the need to consult Jal on his son's name, as well as ask for their marriage to be ended, Deanna would never have returned.

With each kilometre that he travelled nearer to Deanna's previous home, Will felt the woman beside him retreat deeper and deeper into herself. Reaching across, Will tucked his fingers around hers, briefly squeezing them, telling her without words that he understood, knowing that when he felt her squeeze him back, she was doing okay.

Familiar land-points began to appear and Deanna felt her heartbeat begin to pulse harder, it's echo reverberating through her head, blocking out everything but it's noise. Far off buildings that she'd seen on clear days loomed in the distance and she knew that she was near. Seeing her own home approach, Deanna gripped Will's hand even tighter still and he pulled it over to his lips and kissed the chilled and tense knuckles.

"It's going to be alright, Deanna, I won't let him hurt you." Will reassured her.

"Too late for that," she hoarsely replied, "he hurt me a long time ago, and he hurt me more when he denied our son."

Will tried to stop himself from asking the obvious but couldn't halt the words. "Then why...?" He asked, hating that his voice was strained and slightly sulky.

"...because he has rights, Will. If he denies us this time, then the choice will be mine to make, and no longer his. I feel I owe him that much, but nothing more." she vowed.

Will was only half listening to Deanna as his attention focused on his decent towards her home. Carefully banking around as he prepared to land, he ignored Deanna's uneasy voice as she whispered with fear beside him. "The shuttle, Will, it's still there."

Frowning deeply, Will searched every inch of the landed ship, his own shuttle manoeuvring around it so that he could see it from all angles. Still perched in the precarious position that he had left it in, Will worriedly chewed his lip and silently wondered if he'd caused more damage to the ship than he'd originally estimated.

And if he damaged it that much, what about the pilot flying it? When he'd fired upon it as they'd left before, Will was certain that he'd only disabled it's engines. He didn't want to destroy Jal or his ship, he just wanted to get Deanna and the boy away without any more trouble. His readouts had told him that Jal was very much alive when he'd shot him down, but now, looking at the ship, still nose down and now three quarters buried beneath the heavy snow, Will wondered if he was a bit presumptuous with his computers assessment.

True, Jal could have been alive when they'd escaped, but it didn't mean that he hadn't been injured, and it didn't mean that barely minutes out of range, Jal could have died. It was a sobering thought, one that punched at Will's conscience hard enough to make him tremble with disgust and fear. Had he injured a man and let him die in the freezing storms? Had he unwittingly murdered Deanna's husband? What kind of man had he become, just so that he could be with the woman that he loved?

And as Will brought the small shuttle around to the crippled ship's cockpit, he got his answer. Even through the fine layer of dusty snow, frozen solid on the windscreen, he could see Jal's frozen and mummified body as it sat in his chair, the safety harness still encasing his torso, holding him upright, imprisoning him where he sat, and probably aiding him with his painful death.

Hovering the shuttle in front of Jal's ship, unable to tear his eyes away from the gruesome sight before him, Will momentarily forgot about the woman beside him. But when the eerie silence surrounding him became so loud that it consumed his entire being, Will tore his eyes away and slowly turned his head to face her.

Tears streamed down Deanna's cheeks, but she uttered nothing. Eyes locked onto the deathly form of her husband and she could do nothing more than weep for his suffering and for the loss of her child's father. Unsure what to do next, Will deliberated as to just turn and leave, or stay and deal with Jal's body, realizing that his guilty conscience was nudging at him to at least grant the unfortunate man a burial.

Knowing that the decision was really in Deanna's hands, Will swallowed the large lump in his throat and prepared himself to, not only speak to Deanna, but pull her out of her shocked state. "Dee..." he started, but she stopped him, her voice heavily with loss, and acceptance.

"Take me away from here, Will.," she said sadly but urgently. "Take me home, to my son, now."

Unsure whether to broach the subject of disposing of Jal's body, Will studied her frozen features for a long moment. But eventually, Deanna turned her watery and blotched eyes to him and her lips and body trembled with sorrow. Realizing as she looked into her new lovers face, she suddenly understood his dilemma and said, "I'll deal with it later, I just need to leave here, Will. I want to go home to my son."

Realizing her need to leave, Will silently and reluctantly nodded his agreement and turned the shuttle about and set a course back to the Enterprise. Deanna didn't look back once. tbc...