IMZADI - THE LOST CHAPTERS
Mending Memories
by Carol Sandford
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Everything had been attended to. Almost.
Riker told himself that he was making a final stop at he art museum to verify for himself that everything was back in place and restored to order. After all, Starfleet would want nothing to be overlooked.
But he found himself standing for an overly long time in front of one particular painting. The one Deanna had showed him. The one with all the large concentric "goopy" swirls.
He stared at it.
Then he heard the music floating from nearby, and somehow, in a way that he couldn't quite explain, the music seemed to enhance what he was looking at.
As if dancing to the notes, the colors began slowly to swirl. It bore a striking resemblance, Riker realised, to stars swimming about in a sort of galactic whirlpool. No, not just stars...stars and planets, and perhaps...perhaps that was something like what the universe had looked like in the throes of creation. Void and miasmic and filled with promise and possibilities...
He sensed her standing next to him. But he couldn't turn to face her.
"You're leaving." said Deanna.
"Yes."
"I wish you safe voyage."
"I wish you..." He stopped and found the strength to look at her. He had turned quickly, and for a moment his mind's eye superimposed the flow of the painting over her. For one insane second, she was, literally, the center of his universe. "I wish you could come with me." he said at last.
She shook her head. "You know, Imzadi, for a time there, I was ready to change my universe for you. But now...now I don't think either of us is ready for that."
He tried to say that she was wrong, but he couldn't. So instead he tried to find some way to say good-bye. But he couldn't do that either.
He turned and looked back at the painting. Such vastness that encompassed everything there was...and yet somehow, now, it seemed completely empty.
"Deanna." He turned back to her. "Maybe..."
But she was gone.
He hadn't even said goodbye. Dammit, he'd said nothing to her because he hadn't been able to find the words. And so he'd blanked his mind. And now she probably thought that he didn't care all that much. If he were able to part from her with such apparent ease, without even a word, then maybe...
He took a step in the direction that he was sure she had gone, but then stopped. Because he knew beyond any question that this was the way she wanted it, and somehow, somewhere along the way, what she wanted had become more important to him than what he wanted.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Will turned to the picture once more, but as he stared at it, he now saw nothing; a blackness that matched the image in his head. His heart-beat pounded in his ears and his mind began to race over the last few minutes with a clarity that only moments ago had eluded him when he truly needed it. But what about what he wanted? Now it became more important to him and he couldn't let her go, he couldn't leave it like that. What was vitally more important to him was that she knew that he would come back for her, one day, but he had to tell her so. He turned and ran through the corridors and several curious eyes followed him out.
Slamming through the outer doors, he came to a halt and frantically scanned the area, desperation creeping in when he realised he'd lost her. But from a terror born deep inside him and before he knew what he'd done, and before he'd considered where he was, he shouted, out loud.
"DEEEAAANNNA...!!"
But even as he shouted Will had known that she would not have come back even if she had heard him. But he had to tell her, had to find her, and he wasn't going to stop until she had promised to go with him, if not now, then one day, even if meant the USS Hood leaving without him.
How long Will stood in the doorway of the art museum he didn't know. People filed past him - some curious, some sympathetic, and some with enough pity to reach out and gently touch his arm or his shoulder in sympathy, but he felt and saw no-one.
Eventually with a sigh, Will dejectedly headed off to his quarters. His eyes, as he entered through the door fell on the still rumpled bed, along with the vision of Wendy sprawled naked across it. He quickly pushed it away as Deanna's horrified face replaced the vivid image. He groaned aloud, first with shame, and then with despair.
From deep inside of him came an anger that he hadn't experienced for a long, long time. Without warning, like a volcano, it erupted, spewing forth his misery, his loss, despair and agony. Turning he stared at the door which he'd just entered through, torn between running after her, and with the need for solitude to lick his wounds. The door found itself being slammed shut with such a force that it bounced back open again. Will kicked it with a howl and his eyes blazed as he watched it finally close.
The echoing silence filtered through and slowly his anger abated and became replaced with an ache, an ache so deep that it physically hurt. Falling to his knees, Will clutched at his chest, the feeling overwhelming him. It was then, finally that he knew that he was, without a shadow of a doubt, deeply and hopelessly in love with Deanna Troi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peering into the darkened room, Sergeant Tang found Will some time later sitting on the floor, huddled against the end of his bed with his knees clutched to his chin, and Tang, loathe to disturb him, knocked gingerly at his door. He didn't expect him to answer, and he didn't. He did get a blank stare that pleaded with him to leave well alone. Wordlessly, Tang nodded his understanding, backed out of the room and closed the door with a resounding click.
Will listened as his footsteps retreated along the corridor and sighed heavily. The intrusion was enough to pull him out of his stupor. Letting his head fall back onto the edge of the bed he stared up to the ceiling, searching for...what? Mercy, pity, condemnation, answers, help? He found none.
"What have I done? What can I do? Oh, my God, Deanna, I wanted you so much. I am so, so sorry. Forgive me, please"
Will closed his eyes which forced the scalding tears to fall. Hugging his own body with his arms, a loneliness crept over him that seemed to swallow him whole. Along with the painful throb of his breaking heart, Will murmured her name, over and over. "Deanna, Deanna, Deanna..."
Chapter 2
~~~~~~~~
Deanna hurried out of the building, sure that Will wouldn't follow her. But as she turned the building's corner she heard him plaintively scream her name. Tears sprang to her eyes as she heard the pleading tone echo throughout the peaceful lawns, right through to her very soul and her hands flew to her ears to block out the sound. Her heart beat thumped painfully along with the ache that had steadily built as she had walked silently away from what she had thought was her destiny, her new life, with her own Imzadi.
She heard footsteps approaching and thinking it was Will, she ran, unready to deal with the onslaught of Will's emotional state. Her heart, still heavy with saying goodbye - no, she corrected herself - they didn't say goodbye as she hadn't been able to make herself say the words. Saying goodbye meant forever to her and she didn't want to say that to him, because last night, in the corridor, after she had ran from him the first time, and after she had almost and foolishly thrown herself at him, she had known that they were not ready for the total commitment.
Life for them both was incomplete. Their lives still had to be lived, to the full. When she was ready, and when Will was ready, fate would find them again and reunite them, of that she was certain.
But not right now.
Eventually she found herself on her best friends doorstep. Chandra opened the door to her, already knowing what was wrong. No words were spoken as Chandra gently pulled the traumatised woman into her embrace. The action was all Deanna needed, and as soon as Deanna felt Chandra's shoulder on her face, she began to cry in earnest. Great sobs racked her tiny frame and Chandra could only hug her closer still, Deanna clung to her for dear life and Chandra's heart broke along with her friends.
To a Betazoid, losing your Imzadi was probably, by far, the worst thing in the world, and her friend had just lost hers.
Eventually Deanna quieted to an eerie silence, Chandra could no longer read her thoughts and knew she had shut down her mind to block out the pain and the memories. Guiding her to her spare room, she eased Deanna onto the bed. Deanna stared unseeing into her face, eventually reaching out, she painfully clutched her hand. Desperation for her to stay with her filtered through and Chandra lay down beside her. Using Deanna's mother's affectionate term, Chandra made her way in through Deanna's subconscious.
*Hush, I'm not going anywhere. Sleep little one, it will help. Please sleep now*
Within moments, Chandra felt Deanna's body relax as her breathing became even and she knew she had fallen into a deep hopefully healing slumber.
Chapter 3
~~~~~~~
Tang didn't bother knocking this time when he approached Will's quarters. On entering the gloomy room, the first thing he noticed was that Will had dragged himself on to the bed and appeared to be asleep. He crept over to his side with the intent of covering him up, inordinately pleased that he had finally settled down, knowing from experience that sleep worked wonders for a fragile mind. He reached down to pull the coverlet over him, jumping when he heard Will's subdued voice.
"I'm not a child, Tang"
Tang flushed, glad that the room was in darkness, "Sorry, sir, I thought you were asleep."
"Would you be asleep if you'd just lost your whole universe?"
Tang sighed, "No, sir, probably not. But you know what they say; sometimes the answers come in dreams. You never know, they might hold the solutions."
Will pushed himself wearily up onto his elbow, running his hand through his hair. Dropping the hand loudly onto the bed, he growled at the equally tall man,
"Sit down, Tang, your giving me a headache looking up to you."
Tang cautiously sat on the edge of the bed "Yes, sir, sorry, sir."
After a few moments silence, Will flopped down onto his back and lacing his hands behind his head, he spoke to the ceiling.
"I don't know what to do, My ship is due to leave in a few hours, but I can't go. I just can't go without making thinks right, but she doesn't want to listen right now. I don't have enough time, Tang."
His voice trailed off, along with his mind as he recalled for what seemed to be the thousandth time their final conversation before sighing deeply, mournfully repeating himself. "I can't leave her, Tang."
Tang considered the young man's dilemma. He liked the young lieutenant enormously, and he also understood this strange Imzadi bond that ruled this planet, so his suggestion, although totally unorthodox, seemed to be the only solution.
"Disappear for a few days."
Will's eyes found Tang's in the darkness, "What are you saying, Tang?"
The air around them stood still as the expectancy, the uncertainty of his suggestion began to filter through the fog, along with a newly found hope.
"I could say that due to depression, you've gone A.W.O.L, sir. Nobody needs to know and it'll give you the chance to talk the little lady around. And when 'thing's' have been resolved, you turn up again, out of the blue, a happy chappy. Then we just call the Hood to come and get you... if that's what you want?"
Will swung his legs around, excitement glowed in his eyes. Afraid of being overheard, he whispered.
"Do you think it will work, Tang. Would Starfleet fall for it?"
Tang shrugged, "I can't see why not. It's easy to disappear on this planet. Hell, you've got a jungle that could swallow you up within a few feet of entering it, and when your ready, when you've worked out what your going to say to Miss Troi, I can arrange you to meet with her, or...I could bring her to you, that's if you want, sir."
Seconds later, Will's mind was made up. Plans were drawn up between the two friends and now they just needed to execute it.
Chapter 4
~~~~~~~~
The captain of The Hood's face looked incredulous. "What do you mean, 'he's missing'? Where is my first officer, Sergeant Tang?"
Tang coughed nervously, squared his shoulders and spoke back to the viewscreen, "I mean, sir, Lieutenant Riker has gone missing."
Realisation dawning, DeSoto asked him, "He did survive the Sindereen attack didn't he? Your report did say that he had returned with the hostage? " Tang nodded "Yes, sir, he did return, but he, er...he did suffer some distress. Perhaps, sir, he just needs a little longer to clear his head." DeSoto stared at the man for several moments as he contemplated his position. His decision made, he sighed. "O.k. We have a short surveillance survey to attend to that should take three to four days,. I'll give Lieutenant Riker the benefit of the doubt and I'll allow him the extra time. We'll pick him up on our return. If he is indeed, 'missing', then obviously we'll need to look into it, but until then, I'll leave everything in your capable hands, Tang, to get my first officer back on track"
Tang nodded, trying to keep the relieved look from his face. "You can count on it, Captain, I shall do my very best. Thank you, sir. Tang out."
Tang breathed a thankful sigh as he severed the connection and muttered to himself, "Well, that went better than I thought. Now the rest is up to you, William Riker."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Retracing his steps, Will slowly made his way through the dense forest. Only an hour before Tang had filled a rucksack with everything that he would possibly need for a short spell in the humid jungle, including a communicator. Will unconsciously patted the pocket which held the important life-line, happier knowing that all he needed was to call and he would be there. And she would be there, that is, if she wanted to come.
Will strode with a purpose and he knew where he was headed. For the first time in hours he finally began to feel at peace. Everything he wanted to know, everything he needed to think about, feel and resolve, would happen there, in the jungle. Janaran Falls beckoned him rather like a woman would have. Like Deanna would have.
Memories of their union made him grow warm, inside and out. He felt the tightening in his loins and the familiar ache in his heart whenever her face appeared like a mirage in front of him, and he moaned out loud with only the birds to hear him when he saw her. And he was wretchedly tired, but still he hurried on. Only when he'd reached his destination would he rest and then he would sit and formulate his ideas. He was not going to leave this planet, or her, until they had made some - any - future plans to be together, somehow, some way.
Chapter 5
~~~~~~~
Chandra sat opposite her dearest friend with her hands tightly clasped within hers. Deanna quietly said, "He's gone, hasn't he?"
Chandra hesitated for several moments, carefully weighing up her answer and Deanna gasped as she read her mind. "He hasn't, has he. He hasn't gone?"
Chandra shook her head, looking into her friends eyes to gauge her reaction to the news. Despite her eyes being puffy from crying so much, they began to sparkle, Chandra saw the spark that re-lit them and then, like a lightbulb going out, watched them dim again. Falling back against the couch she sighed heavily, "Oh, Chandra, why didn't he just go? Why is going to make this even harder than it already is, why?"
Chandra couldn't answer her and eventually Deanna picked up on the silence, a coldness washing over her as the negatives vibes radiated from her friend. Coming to a sitting position again she asked her outright. "Chandra, where is he?"
Chandra looked again into her eyes. "Nobody knows, Dee, he's vanished."
Deanna audibly gasped, the sensation feeling as though she'd been slapped. Eventually Deanna stood and began to pace the floor. "I have to find him, Chandra. I must. He might be injured, or suicidal, or severely depressed. I must go to him, now."
Chandra also rose to a stand and grasping her tiny friend by the shoulders, she began to steer her out of the door. "Come on, I know of only one person who's likely to know anything."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A firing squad. That's what Tang felt like; like he was standing in front of a firing squad. The determination of the two women who stood directly in front of him, hands on hips, were intimidating, very intimidating.
"Come on, sergeant. We know you know where he is, so let's make this inquisition short because you are not going to move until we get some answers." Chandra's threatening tone and stance almost made Tang quiver in his boots, and although Deanna, equally determined to find out the same information, stood silently and hopefully beside her. And then suddenly, as quickly as it had begun, both women turned and walked away from him,.
Grinning, Chandra threw her parting comment over her shoulder. "Thank you, Sergeant Tang, that's all we needed to know."
Tang slapped his forehead as he realised that he had given away Will's whereabouts without saying one single word. "Dammed telepaths."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"No, no, Chandra, I want to go alone. I must go alone. I know my way to the falls, I've been there hundreds of times."
"But it's too dangerous, Dee," She argued. "The Sindereen might still be in there looking for their leader. Pease let me or let my husband take you to Will, and I promise, we'll come straight back."
Chandra's voice trailed off when she spotted Tang approaching.
"That won't be necessary, miss, I will gladly escort Miss Troi to Lieutenant Riker's destination. In fact, I insist."
Tang waited expectantly for their decision as the two women silently conversed with each other, before Deanna finally and quietly replied, "Thank you, Tang"
Tang grinned, bowing slightly at the waist. "All part of the service, M'am."
Chapter 6
~~~~~~~
Will sat on a huge boulder which sat like a sentinel on the lake's shoreline. Opening his ration's pack, he selected some dried fruits, shuffled his body down until he was comfortable and began to chew quietly, watching the light play on the cascading water, his troubled mind at that time unable to appreciate the true beauty of his surroundings.
He was torn in two; How could he have his Starfleet career AND Deanna Troi. He knew he loved her too much to let her go, but he had waited his whole life to become a Starfleet officer, and now... now he'd blown it all by falling in love with most beautiful, the most frustrating, and the most incredible woman that had ever walked.
Will smiled as he remembered her newly found antics in the jungle. It had seemed a life time ago, when in reality, it had been a few, scant days. Had he really only known her for a few measly weeks? Even so, he had never felt so comfortable, so alive, or so captivated with anyone in his life and he wasn't going to let her go, ever.
He had heard that the Federation were building a new flagship and his goal was, if not Captain for a while, then certainly it's first officer. But he needed to make the grade first. He needed to get a few more brownie points under his belt first, and he knew he wasn't going to be able to do that with distractions. He just needed a little more time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Deanna became thoughtful as they began to make their way into the jungle. Until now, Tang had kept quiet, afraid of letting anything slip about the secrecy of his mission. Within moments of their decision to allow him to escort her, they had all but barrelled him out of the door, kitted up and headed out. He had not gotten a chance to warn Will that they were coming.
"Sergeant..." Deanna's voice broke him out of his quandary, "Please...call me Tang, m'am"
Deanna smiled softly at him and Tang saw what had captivated the young lieutenant's attentions. She was exceptionally pretty, but then most Betazoid's were. But Deanna Troi had an air about her that was solely hers. One could quite easily lose themselves in the onyx eyes that sparkled with merriment whenever she smiled. Before they had started out, her eyes had been almost matt in colour, now they were shining as she neared her destination.
Her voice brought him out of his reverie again. "Tang, do you know Will very well?"
Pushing back the bushes and stepping to one side so that she could pass by without the spiky branch whacking her in the face, he smiled at her. "Well, m'am, I know that the lieutenant is an honourable man in his heart, and I know that he is very fond of you. No man behaves like him without being in love."
Deanna stopped him in his tracks as she halted and turned to look into his face as she thought about his comment, the seemingly ever-present tears springing to her eyes "Then why did he sleep with Wendy Roper, Tang. Why?"
Her voice broke on her final why and she turned her head away, embarrassed at revealing her true feelings to a near stranger. But then she turned to face him again, away that he was watching as the tears spilled down her face. She asked once more, "Why, Tang?"
Tang sighed heavily. He was no expert at this kind of confrontation and struggled to chose his words carefully. "Sometimes, m'am, when your hurting badly, you reach out to clutch at anything that will give you comfort. Wendy unfortunately 'happened' to be there; she got to be his comfort."
He watched her face as she digested the information but she didn't get angry like he expected her to, so he tried again. "Believe me, m'am, if the lieutenant could turn back the clock, he would, but he can't, and that's hurting him more than anything." He then revealed more than he intended. "You do know he's prepared to give up his career for you, m'am."
Deanna was stunned. That information alone shocked more than anything else she'd had to endure. "But, Tang, I don't want him to do that for me! I know how important his career is to him. It was what he was born to do and I can't let him do that...for me."
A spark of hope flared within Tang. This was what he wanted to hear. So there was hope for these two after all. Swinging her around, he clasped her by the arm and with a new spring in his step, they continued their journey.
Chapter 7
~~~~~~~
Will began to climb, needing the physical exertion, deciding to climb the biggest tree within a few kilometre's of the falls. Rapidly growing disappointed at the lack of communication from Tang, Will was certain that he would have had some form of contact with Deanna by now, especially once he'd been reported missing from the base.
The thought was sobering that maybe after all, he wasn't that important to her. The more Will pondered on the thought, the more agitated he became and feeling the need to vent some of the frustration within him, he had climbed. The tree was huge and it was a while before he reached strong enough branches to hold his weight.
And he went higher.
Reaching a point where he could go no further, he settled back against the trunk, sitting pecariously on a sturdy branch so that he could catch his breath, his eyes appreciatively taking in the view, the silence and the peace. Time stood still as he took in the sight that spread out before him, Autumn colors of every hue lay before him like a carpet as far, and beyond, as the eye could see. Will felt humbled as he was certain that no-one would have seen this sight, and more than anything in the world - in the universe, he wished Deanna was here to witness it with him and with his musings, her image tucked beside him brought him right back to where he'd started from. To Deanna Troi, future wife of William T. Riker, future mother of his children, sacred holder of his heart, and his Imzadi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dusk was rapidly approaching, being made nearer still by the natural canopy of the over head trees. Unconsciously Tang hastened his pace, almost dragging an exhausted Deanna behind him. They didn't have much further to go and he wanted to be able to pass her over to safe hands before heading back alone. that was until a weary voice pleaded with him. "Slow down, Tang, please."
Tang halted his race, turning to apologise to her. "I'm sorry, m'am, but we're nearly there. I want to make it before nightfall, but we can go slower now because it's only just around the corner now."
Only around the corner...
Deanna felt her pulse quicken, Soon, soon she will come face to face with Will. Trepidation surged through her veins. She knew she was going to apologise to him, but was it too late? She silently prayed that it wasn't.
Lost in thought of what she was going to say to him, Deanna was surprised when they finally reached the clearing, the gentle sound of the waterfall became an instant reminder of her last visit. Her eyes scanned the grassy banks, certain that she would find the imprints of the joined bodies in the soft soil, but they weren't and the disappointment washed over her.
Tang made his way over to Will's make shift camp, but there was no sign of the big man. Tang looked dismayed as Deanna joined him. "Damn - sorry, miss. He's not here and I can't leave you on your own."
Deanna took a deep breath and plastered a brave smile across her face. "I'm sure he's not far away, Tang and he'll be back any minute. He wouldn't have left his things here, would he? I know you want to get home, Tang, and I insist that you go. I will be perfectly alright. Please Tang, go."
Tang studied her face for several moments before resignedly asking her "Are you sure, m'am? I would hate for anything to happen to you, especially now."
Deanna nodded, smiling to ease his fears. "I'm sure. Now please, go, before it get's any darker."
Tang hesitated a moment more before pressing a communicator into her hand and making her promise to call him if he hadn't shown within half an hour. She agreed and with a final hug, he turned and followed the same path out of the clearing, turning to look at her once with worry before vanishing into the thick undergrowth.
Taking a deep calming breath, Deanna made her way over to Will's belongings. Aware that she was intruding, and with which could be a huge mistake, doubts began to creep into her mind as she prepared to face him once more, and about probably change her life once more, too, one way or the other. But Tang's words on the trail had made her feel a little easier. Maybe Will did truly love her, and maybe he loved his career more, and maybe he really didn't want to see her right then, and maybe this really was a huge mistake. But it was too late now, she was here.
She pulled out his sleeping bag and spread it wide so that she could sit on it and wait for him to come back. She hoped he wouldn't be long because she certainly had no intentions of calling Tang back. If Will didn't turn up tonight, then she would simply sleep in the bag and return home in the morning. After all she did know the way like the back of her hand, and besides, her mother would send a search party out if she hadn't returned by tomorrow night.
Deanna chuckled as she tried to envisage Chandra telling her mother what was going on, but, chances are, she already knew. But, Deanna had finally grown up and knew what she wanted, and if it was William Riker that she wanted, then so be it. But did he still want her?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lost in his thoughts, time gradually slipped away, and when Will finally acknowledged that he was rapidly losing light and that the journey going down the tree was going to perilous, he finally and reluctantly moved, knowing that it would be worse going in the dark. He inched his way back down, his mind plotting ways of how to get Deanna to climb up and share the experience with him one day.
Finally reaching the bottom branches, he swung himself down the last few feet, the soft mossy ground masking his landing. His stomach growled with hunger as he sauntered back to his camp. He tried to make his mind up on his choice of supper; the dried stew, with dried dumplings, or the dried curry, with dried rice. He approached his belongings still tossing the choices about in his head. *Stew or curry? Curry or stew?*
Coming to a halt, he spotted the humped figure that had made itself comfortable in his sleeping bag. Tiptoeing closer, he squatted down, expecting it to be Tang. He would not have been surprised him to have see him here, checking up on him like a father figure. Will chuckled until he spotted the mass of black curls peeking out and he gasped with surprise. "Deanna!?"
She was deeply asleep and must have been exhausted so Will crept quietly away, leaving her in peace. Taking himself well out of earshot, he called Tang on his communicator. "Tang, Tang, answer me, dammit!"
Seconds later Tang replied slightly breathless. "Tang here, sir, glad to hear your voice. I gather you've found your surprise."
Will exploded, mindful of his snoozing guest. "Surprise! That's an understatement. You were supposed to warn me,Tang."
Unperturbed, Tang replied "Sorry, sir, I didn't get the opportunity. It all happened rather fast."
Will sighed. "O.k. Tang. Thanks for bringing her. I expect we'll be home sometime tomorrow. Wish me luck. Riker out."
Cautiously making his way back, Will quietly came to a stand in front of her. How long he stood watching the sleeping form, he didn't know, but while he did so, a myriad of thoughts and emotions played through his head. Finally he sighed, assessing the situation and his surroundings, until eventually he muttered to himself, "Now, where am I going to sleep?"
Chapter 8
~~~~~~~
Dawn broke with a chorus of bird-song. Before Deanna opened her eyes, she stretched a body, that was stiff from sleeping on the hard ground. Suddenly remembering where she was, Deanna sat bolt upright, her eyes scanning the immediate area as she did so. Eventually they fell upon the figure perched on the large boulder a few yards away. Their eyes met. Deanna's took in the whole picture, and Will wallowed in the pleasure of watching her rouse from her sleep.
Quickly he broke the silence. "Morning." Deanna smiled nervously and tentatively at him, blushing as his eyes feasted upon her face.
Coming to a stand, she slowly made her way to the base of the boulder. Arching her back to work out the kinks, she looked up to him, pushing aside the awkwardness that she felt. "Hello, Will. I'm sorry I stole your bed. Where did you sleep?"She asked.
He nonchalantly waved one hand in the air as he replied with an easy grin on his face. "Oh, I made out o.k. I've been keeping watch for a while."
Deanna looked away, embarrassed again at the double entendre. He'd been watching her, and keeping her safe from harm. Smiling wide she looked up at him once more, determined to ease the tension that could be felt building between them, "So, can I make you some breakfast, being as you so kindly let me sleep and kept me safe?"
Will looked at her for a moment longer and then, sliding down the boulder's smooth edge, he landed neatly in front of her. He grinned and made a lively joke about the contents of breakfast. "Sure, now let me see. We have dried eggs, dried cereal, complete with powdered milk, dried fruit and powdered coffee..."
Deanna stared at him, enjoying the tease as she contemplated the choices that he so galantly made. She chewed on her bottom lip as she considered until finally settling on one option only. "Coffee."
Will laughed. "Good choice." He bent and rummaged around in his rucksack, eventually proudly displaying the unappetising sachets of granules. "You fill the billycan and prepare the cups and I'll set the stove up."
Rummaging some more, he found the tiny primus stove and set it up. He'd got it lit by the time Deanna had returned from the lake with the water and a comfortable silence grew between them as they waited for it to boil. Minutes later, they both gratefully sipped on steaming cups of coffee. Draining the last few drops, Will took her cup and rinsed them out. Coming back to a stand in front of her, he held out his hand to her and Deanna looked up into his eyes.
It was time to talk.
"Walk with me."
Reaching up to take the proffered hand, Will gently hauled her upright. Deanna expected him to pull her into his embrace, but she was surprised and disappointed when he didn't. Instead he kept hold of her hand, turned and began to walk. Will saw the hope flare in her eyes when he pulled her close to him, inwardly groaning as his body reacted to her close presenc. He longed to take her into his arms and lose himself in her kisses, but this was not the time. Things needed to be said. Things needed to be resolved.
Taking a few steps, he hesitated as looked ahead and Deanna followed his gaze. They both rested their eyes on the mossy bank, the route having lead them to their, 'spot'. Will abruptly turned and headed in the other direction and the tension mounted within them once more.
They had been walking for some time, both staring unseeing at the breathtaking scenery before them, both unwilling to start the conversation, knowing that eventually, one of them had to. Eventually it was Deanna that spoke. "Talk to me, Will."
Coming to a halt, she heard him sigh and releasing her hand, he made his way over to the nearest large tree and propped himself against it. Picking up a leaf, he systematically began to shred it. Deanna watched his hands, mesmerised. "Will?" she asked again, willing him to talk to her.
Glancing at her briefly, he continued to shred the leaf as he tried to explain himself. "I couldn't say goodbye to you, Deanna, I...I didn't want to."
Deanna began to scuff the ground with her boot, her hands shoved deep into her pockets to hide the nervousness. Will watched her movements with fascination. It seemed to be a very uncharacteristic thing for her do, very unladylike, but her words brought his eyes slowly back to her face.
"I, too couldn't say the words, Will."
Eyes locked as the emotions bounced from one to the other.
His eyes beckoned her closer, Drawn by the unspoken forces that kept the two locked souls together, Deanna eventually came close enough for Will to pull her into his arms, and kissing the top of her head, he brokenly asked, "What now. Where do we go from here, Dee?"
Deanna rested her head upon his chest, closing her eyes, as she whispered back, "I don't know, Will. I have my life and you have yours. We're both too young for this level of commitment." Will tightened his grip on her. "But what about later, maybe in a year or so's time?"
Deanna pushed herself away from him, turning away from him as she tried to sort out her tumbled thoughts. "But what if we can't wait that long, Will. What if something...anything happens?"
She felt Will come to stand behind her and turning her around to meet his eyes, he tried once more to tell her how much he wanted her. "Deanna, we are Imzadi, isn't that supposed to account for something?"
Deanna shook her head, "It's not enough, Will. It is for me, but it's not for you, you've already proved that."
She saw the anger flare in his eyes and he turned away from her. "I wondered how long it would be before you brought that up. How many times can I say I'm sorry, Deanna, how many?"
Now Deanna forced herself into his view. "Don't you understand, Will, sorry isn't the issue here. I know you're sorry, and I understand why you did it. You needed comfort. I wasn't there and she was. I've come to understand that, but it should not have happened to us. If we were absolutely true Imzadi, it would not have happened to us"
Will walked away from her again to stand at the water's edge. After seemingly searching for answers from the turquoise lake he bitterly threw over his shoulder as she watched him from afar."What you mean is, your mother shouldn't have interfered. AFter all, this is her fault, that and the damn hold she has over you."
Deanna forced herself to sit on the floor against the same tree that Will had vacated before she carried on the conversation. "Yes, you're right, she did interfere. But she has every right to be concerned, Will. I am her only daughter and she only wants what's best for me, every mother does."
Will went quiet until finally and just as quietly, he spoke. "I wouldn't know about that, would I?" Deanna immediately felt contrite for the thoughtless comment. "I'm sorry, Will, I shouldn't have said that. But it is true. One day, when you have a family of your own, you will understand."
Will shook his head as bitterness crept into his voice. "I will never, ever treat my child the way your mother treats you. She's...suffocating!"
Deanna smiled at his choice of words. "Yes, she does have her...moments. But in my heart, I know that she cares. I know that she loves me, Will, and that is the true basis for happiness." Will stopped pacing as he contemplated her last remark, enough to eventually pose his question thoughtfully. "Are you happy, Deanna?"
Deanna twiddled with a lock of her hair as she pondered her reply. "I was happy, but then I met you."
Will eyebrows rose into his hairline as he stared at her. "What's that supposed to mean!?"
He sounded so indignant that Deanna laughed quietly, but then just as quickly hushed again. "I mean, I was happy. I was happy with my life as it was, but then you came along and showed me a different kind of happiness, even if I have seemed to have spent a large chunk of it crying."
Will came and sat down in front of her, the need to touch her bringing him within reach. Taking her hand, he let her continue, needing to understand.
"Before I was happy, but now I feel...complete. Even though we aren't technically together, I still feel complete...whole, Will. You have made my life absolute, Will. What you have shown me, given me, has changed my entire life forever, and I will always love you for that alone, whatever happens to us."
Will watched the tears form in her sad eyes and he tenderly reached out to caress her face as tears sprang to his own eyes. She had exposed her soul to him and now it was his turn.
"I love you, Deanna. I finally knew that when you walked away from me in the museum. I thought I would die when I couldn't find you and there was no way I could have left this planet without telling you how I felt." Will watched as her tears began to fall and he forged on.
"I love you, Deanna Troi, without you, I don't think I can exist."
Will decided to take the bull by the horns, now certain, now without any doubts that this was what he wanted. "Will you join me later on board the Hood? We can be married on board, or if you prefer, here?"
Deanna smiled at his sudden flurry of words, "Will, are you asking me to marry you?"
Will grinned, surprising even himself. "I guess I am. Well, what do you say, Deanna Troi, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Riix, Daughter of probably the world's worst mother, will you marry me?"
Deanna laughed, shaking her head at the same time, "Oh, Will, you know I can't, please don't ask me now, please. Can't we wait until we're just a little older, a little more responsible? We both have so much to do and so much to achieve."
Will looked crestfallen, and Deanna touched his face gently. "Will, I'm not saying no, just...not yet."
Will smiled sadly and they both fell silent. But it was a comfortable silence as they contemplated what had been said and baout their future. In his heart, Will knew that what she was saying was right and he was secretly overjoyed at her response. This was what he really wanted; Deanna eventually and his career. But at least he was confident now that they would eventually be together, so he was happy.
Deanna patted her lap."Lay down, Will"
Will needed no further prompting and swinging his legs around, he placed his head upon her lap, shifting slightly to get more comfortable, moaning with delight as Deanna began to lightly play with his hair. He closed his eyes and let the peaceful feelings wash over him, happily realising that he was now content. He had managed to right all his wrongs. He was as good as engaged to the most beautiful girl in the universe, and she loved him. what more could he want?
"So," He asked. "How many kids are we gonna have?"
Chapter 9
~~~~~~~
"I guess we should be heading home."
The remark brought Will out of the mutual tranquillity that had settled between them. "I guess..." he responded, not too enthusiastically. Neither moved an inch, both loathe to break the spell, the magic of the moment. Moments after, Will turned his sad eyes to hers and something flared in their depths. Something sparked deep inside and they both felt it. Slowly, Will reached up to touch her lips and a question, just her name, fell from his. "Deanna?"
At last! Leaning over, her mouth found his and his hand wove it's way into her hair, holding her firm. Deanna groaned and Will grasped the opportunity. Slipping his tongue into the warm moistness, her tongue met his, and this time, it was he who groaned as he felt his body come alive.
Deanna tugged at his shirt. She needed to feel his body, to touch his skin. Her fingers finally found their quarry and Will whimpered with need. Pushing himself up, Deanna almost protested until she watched him remove the offensive piece of material. Will smiled at the hunger in her eyes and her hands reached out to touch him again. With his palms flat against his thighs, he was at her mercy.
Kneeling to face her, Will closed his eyes and let the sensuous feelings wash over him. He felt her breath upon his chest but refused to allow his hands to move. Deanna traced every contour of his torso, every muscle shape, every dip and every dimple. Deanna touched each and every one. Will was enraptured as Deanna nipped at his tiny nipples, the action pulling an inner warmth deep from deep within his loins. Her tongue snaked out to leave a trail along his collar bone, following around to gently nip at his ear. Will tried to find her lips again, needing to kiss her, but she pulled away. His eyes flew open. She was barely inches away from him, the teasing smile matching the intoxicating ebony eyes. He grinned mischievously at her as his own body became drunk with desire and with want, for her.
"My turn..." He murmured, halting her misintrations before he completely lost himself.
Bringing herself to her knees, she boldly faced him, and lifting her arms, Deanna silently, mischieviously begged him to remove her sweater. Moments later. it was thrown down beside his. Removing the lacy brazier with a flick of his fingers, it too joined the mounting pile of clothes.
Falling back on his haunches, Will admired the scene before him. Deanna glowed from the desire that flared once more in her eyes and she whispered to him, begged him, "Touch me, Will.".
Reaching out, he traced one slender fingertip from her bottom lip and down along her naked body, his eyes never leaving her face. By the time he had reached her delicate tummy button, her eyes had fluttered closed and she silently held her breath, waiting.
Pushing back up onto his knees again, he tugged at the waistband of her trousers to bring her body closer to his. Her eyes still closed, Will murmured hoarsely, "Look at me, Deanna. I want you to see how much I love you."
Deanna's eyes slowly opened revealing the deep hunger that flowed from every fibre of her body. Looking deep into Will's blue eyes, Deanna lost herself in the adoration that poured from the very depths of Will's soul. One arm held her close as the other hand gently lifted her chin and he Kissed her tenderly, reverently. "I will cherish you forever, Imzadi. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, you will uppermost in my heart and mind until we're together again. I am in love with you, Deanna, never forget that."
By the time Will had finished, Deanna was weeping, but this time they were tears of joy. Chuckling self consciously, Deanna swiped at her eyes. "See what I mean? I'm always crying." Will wrapped her within his arms and hugged her tight until the gesture sparked their desires again. They began to kiss deeply, from mouth to mouth, heart to heart, and ache to ache, they quickly succumbed to becoming one again.
Chapter 10
~~~~~~~~~
"We really should be leaving this time, Will. It'll be dark by the time we get home, even if we left right now." Deanna thoughtfully twirled the dark hairs on Will's chest as he lay completely satiated beside her with a contented, slightly smug smile upon his face. His eyes were closed as he revelled in the ministrations that she had rained on his naked body and he immediately felt his ardour began to grow again, along with the uncomfortable thought that once they reached 'civilisation', it would be several months, maybe even years until they would share these intimate moments again.
Deanna felt her heart grow heavy as the prospect of returning home neared. Believing fate would eventually see them together again soon, a small nagging doubt also crept in. The, 'what if' scenario that always accompanied every good feeling that everybody had, and as Will pulled her on top of him once more, a different kind of urgency came into their union. And as he embedded himself deeply within her once more, as they became one again, hearts, minds, souls joined in the oneness, permanently locking the Imzadi link for all eternity.
This was was their final promise to each other, that no matter what, or for as long as it took to be reunited again, they would stay true to each others hearts. They were both adult enough to know that their could be 'other liaisons' until they met again, but when the time was right, they would return to each other, with no recriminations, no questions, or no doubts.
Chapter 11
~~~~~~~~
Tang looked up from his desk when he heard the quiet footsteps approaching his office, his relief clearly evident on his craggy face. A smiling Will entered the airy office and Tang gestured to the tall man to sit. Lowering his tall frame into the seat proffered, Will waited for his friend to start the inquisition.
Throwing down his padd, Tang waited for Will to relay to him how the reconciliation went.
Silence.
Tang pushed back his chair, propped his foot upon the desktop, made himself comfortable and waited.
Silence.
Will wallowed in the suspended agony that poured out from his friend until finally Tang could take no more and blurted. "Aw, geez! come on, sir, you owe me...something!"
Will grinned at him for a moment, his blue eyes lighting up in merriment at his friends predicament, but he became serious as he appreciated just what the man before him had done. Tang had jeopardised his own career for him, for them and he owed him, big time.
"For as long as I live, Tang, I will never, ever forget what you have done for Deanna and me.
Both Deanna and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts for giving us the necessary time to make things right."
Tang smiled, his pleasure apparent on his face. "It worked then, you got things sorted with the little lady?"
Will smiled at his fitting description of Deanna. "Yes, Tang, it worked. At least I can leave now and know that she'll be waiting for me to come back for her, and I will, Tang, count on it." Will sighed deeply. "We've just got to get through tomorrow, somehow."
Coming to a stand, Tang joined Will on his side of the desk. Propping himself against it's edge, he folded his arms, his face thoughtful as he spoke. "Any idea when you'll get back?"
Will stood and they both began to make their way out of the office. "Well, we normally get shore leave every four to five months or so, and I usually either go to Earth or Risa..." Will paused when he saw the knowing look on Tang's face, "Yeah, well, a man's gotta have some fun."
A slight flush crept up his neck at his confession, but coughing to cover the awkward moment, he brought himself back to the present. "Anyway, I said I'd send her a communique when I had a definite date and destination, and she would then meet me there, wherever there may be."
Will came to a halt and the two men turned to face each other. Will looked directly at Tang, his eyes glowing with his new found love, his thanks echoed in his eyes. "I still can't believe it. Thanks to you, Tang, she's mine, she's almost mine."
Tang nodded his understanding and placing his large hand upon Will's shoulder, they walked down the corridor to begin preparations for the start of his future odyssey.