Imzadi

WHEN WE BECAME ONE
by Carol Sandford
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From the moment when we became one, you were beside me all the way, and in every way.

For a time your steps matched my pace and your hand fitted perfectly into mine. Your laughter infected me and your thoughts mirrored my own and our shared union was mingled with love of the most profound kind.

When we became one our souls found peace in each others care and our hearts whispered future dreams together. For a time we loved as no others could, because we became Imzadi. Because we became one.

But peace shattered and my mind constantly drifts back to when we became one. The laughter we shared was stilled. Promises were torn apart with angry words and your lies broke my heart.

You were once my friend, Deanna, my lover and my night and my day. But I still don't understand. I don't think I ever will. I still find myself fumbling for the answers as to why or how our love stopped.

Was it me or was it you? Who knows? But I do know that your smile still lingers in my memory and your laughter still echoes in my soul, tormenting me. And I still remember us soaring together, back when we became one and my body throbs with want.

Many years have passed us by and yet my mind still wanders back to the dreams that we once shared. I still ache deep down inside just to hear your lilting voice, to see your exotic smile and hear your laughter again.

I still do in my deepest dreams as I sleep. I feel your arms around me as I swallow your moans when I kiss you deeply, hungrily, desperately, already knowing deep, deep down inside that I'm losing you.

I lost you.

I still hurt when I remember, the pains too strong, the tears too real. But all I want is to talk; to know that you are okay. That you are happy. That you have found love but have never forgotten mine.

But so much has been said and so much has been felt that the familiarity that I so treasured between us has forced me to keep my silence.

But I don't want to, Deanna.

I don't know whether to let go or hold on. But I saw you leaving, Deanna, long before you actually walked away from me, and, God forgive me, I didn't stop you. I trusted the strength of my heart and the love that I had for you to hold you close. But instead, they ended up pushing you away.

I wish that I could tell you that I miss you and that I love you, and that I will always love you, and that I want you back. Because I still remember that when we became one you tied my soul to yours eternally. That's something that I will never forget. Nor want to.

How about you, Deanna?

Why can't you hear me? Why can't you feel me reaching out for you? Why can't we heal together. Why can't you love me anymore?

Why, Imzadi, why?