Imzadi

WAITING ON FATE
by Carol Sandford
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Ashamedly, Deanna had waited for most of the day, even knowing that the designated meeting time was still an hour away. She had stood, then sat, then paced along the museums steps watching people as they passed her by, wishing and hoping and praying that he would come; that he would be early and put her out of her torment.

But then she irrational thought that maybe she had got the rendezvous wrong. That maybe she'd heard the time that they were to meet wrong. Oh, God, maybe he wasn't even coming at all. And maybe, she was just being impatient.

But just in case she had got the place wrong, she wandered home. It seemed to be the logical other place. But then upon reaching her door she mentally slapped herself, spun on her heals and began to return to the meeting place, the one that she was sure they'd agreed upon. the museum. The place near where they'd said goodbye. It had seemed fitting that they would say hello there again. Right.

Pausing at the gate and looking into the darkening distance with her mind lost in worry, she jumped when she heard a familiar voice behind her. "Come in and eat, Little One."

Deanna sighed, her chin dropping to her chest, her eyes closing as she waited for the inevitable sermon she knew she was about to receive. "I'm not hungry, Mother."

And here it came.

"Why should he return? He came here to complete a mission and when that mission was completed, he left. He has no reason to come back, Deanna, not even for you."

Deanna turned slowly to face her one and only relation. "You're wrong, Mother. So wrong. He promised that he would. In twenty eight days. Today is the twenty eighth day. He'll come. I know he'll come."

The sheen of tears that hung now from her sooty eye lashes betrayed the strength of her words. Inside she was doubting her own conviction and the promises that he had made to her when he'd left her. Seeing her own mothers eyes turn from sorrow to pity made her swing away and face the road again, her empathic senses rapidly shutting out her mothers probing.

But she was too late. Her mother had seen the doubts that lay there for all to see. She'd seen the pain of not knowing how much it was going to hurt her if he did not come.

Deanna felt her mothers hand gently touch her shoulder, but even though she felt the tenderness behind the gesture, Deanna knew that she hadn't finished trying to make her see reason. "It was a foolish promise, Deanna. He liked you, certainly, and when he said he would return he probably meant it. But he has a long, long way to travel and are there not many other pretty girls on board his ship?"

"Will isn't like that, Mother. It wasn't like that for us. I was..." Deanna drifted off as memories cascaded through her mind of moments in Wills arms and kisses that had melted her resolve. Deanna took a deep shuddering breath. "I was..."

She broke off, unable to explain to her mother how it had been between them. There were no words to explain their relationship, bar one. Imzadi. They had become Imzadi. As soon as she had met Will a feeling that, at the time, she could not explain, just that something had fallen into place, something that as the days that had passed by since had coalesced into a oneness that neither one of them could describe. The only word that could express what they had, was Imzadi.

"I'll come back," he had promised, holding her tightly against him as his fingers had lovingly trailed through her cascading hair. "Be very sure of that, Deanna. I wish I didn't have to go, but I must go on this mission. I have no choice. Just count the days from tomorrow. Twenty eight days, upon this hour. I will never forget you."

And then had been the sweetness of his farewell kiss...

"Did you expect him to say that he would forget you? Her mother asked, unabashed at intruding on her daughters private thoughts. "Of course not. He left you with sweet words, Deanna. Men are like that."

Relentless of Deanna's growing grief, Lwaxana Troi ploughed on. "He is an off-worlder, Little One, and you are the daughter of one the most powerful women on Betazed. Forget him, Deanna. Please." She pleaded.

Sadly Deanna shook her head, refusing to believe what she was hearing. It may have been the truth, but Deanna had to believe; Had to wait for her fate, it was all that she had left to believe in. That and a broken heart if Will did not return to her. Her decision made, she murmured more to herself than anyone else. "I'm going back to the museum. He may be there by now."

Her mother tried one more time as she watched her daughter step away from her. "Do not keep fooling yourself, Little One. I have not seen any shuttles or ships approaching the city and nor have you. Come indoors, Deanna. It is night now and we have many strangers around us. It isn't safe anymore and I worry about you."

Three months ago, Will had one of those strangers and he would never have hurt her, Deanna reasoned. In fact, none of the Starfleet crew had bore her ill-will. They were an exceptional race. Deanna had heard stories of long ago when war was rife on planet Earth, but they had learned from their mistakes. Most of them. Her Will had been the gentlest of lovers and it was why that she knew deep in her heart that he would not let her down. He would come.

Her mother broke into her tumbling thoughts once more. "Deanna....?"

Impulsively, Deanna hugged her mother, her smile gentle with a fondness that could only be shared between a mother and daughter. "I'll be fine, Mother. I need to go back. Please understand. I must do this. I have to wait for him."

As she traced her path back along the street, Deanna felt guilty. She knew her mother was worrying about her, for more reasons than one. Deanna didn't know if she would leaving with Will when he finally came, but she knew in heart that if he asked her to go with him, she would. Deanna's destiny lay with her Imzadi. Will, and only he held all the answers to the questions that continually tumbled through her troubled mind.

Deanna absently meandered her way back into the city centre. The evening was quiet; Too quiet, as though something was going to happen and Deanna shuddered as she recalled the last time that something had happened to her home world. The Sindareen. But then she remembered with warmth what had happened 'after' the Sindareen. Will.

Deanna turned her head at the sound of male voices aprroaching. A quick moment of worry filled her senses and then seeing the small group of Starfleet officers she lowered her guard enough to approach them, her inquisitiveness getting the better of her. "Hello there. Do you have any news of the shuttle that's due in? I'm expecting a visitor." she added needlessly.

The man that answered her had a strong, drawling American accent which made her smile. "No, ma'am. All we know is that it's due in any time now. Are you expecting someone...important, ma'am?" The young lieutenant smiled seductively at her, figuring his lucky night had just arrived right before his very eyes, but he was soon dashed at her response to his blatant flirting.

Deanna grinned, unable to stop herself from the excitement that swept through her at his news. He 'was' coming. "I am, sir, someone very important, to me."

Taking the news with the good grace that it deserved, the lieutenant bowed gallantly before her, smiling as he told her that that someone was a very lucky man before a throwing her a jaunty salute as he and his comrades continued on their way leaving her to her somewhat buoyant thoughts. He 'was' coming.

But by the time Deanna had reached the museum steps and distractedly sank down onto the top one the niggling doubts were back. The deep sadness that had prevailed before her impromptu meeting with Will's fellow Starfleet officers came back to haunt her. Words that her mother said to her on more than one occasion ate away at her soul. "Men are like that..."

But then Deanna remembered how he had held her, kissed her, touched her, inside and out, and how he made the sweetest of love to her. By then, she had fallen deeply and irrefutably in love with Will Riker. But how could she be sure that he had felt the same way? Only because he had said so as he'd lowered his lips to hers that last time. It was all that she had to hold onto.

In another time, with another man, there would have been none of these questions racing through her mind. Being Imzadi would have answered them all, should have, and Deanna hated herself for questioning its power. A loneliness began to devour her as the darkness continued to fall around her. The sky began to sparkle with distant suns and Deanna longed to see something moving amongst them. 'Where are you, Will?' she silently asked as she searched the blackening universe. "I'm waiting for you," she tearfully whispered aloud. "I'm going crazy waiting for you."

Wearily pushing herself to her feet, Deanna turned towards the museums entrance. Needing to go inside and be where they'd said goodbye now consumed her very essence. Was she going to say goodbye again? As the minutes continually ticked by Deanna's hopes trickled by with them. Deep inside she'd known she was waiting on fate and fate was being cruel to her once more.

The first time she'd said goodbye had hurt her beyond comprehension. Deanna didn't dare think of the consequences if she had to go through it all over again. As she slowly meandered her way towards the picture that had been witness to their last moments together Deanna's footsteps slowed. Turning to stand before the large unframed abstract picture, Deanna finally let go of the pain that had kept her true emotions prisoner because by then, nine o'clock had come, and then gone. He hadn't come.

Will, her Imzadi, the one that held the answers to all her dreams, had forgotten her after all.

For the longest time Deanna stared at the picture unable to find the peace that she always found there. The tears that streamed down her cheeks might have been the real reason for it not revealing what she wanted to see. It, too, was letting her down and it broke her heart further still. How much more could she endure in her search the one thing that continued to elude her. Deanna had had a taste of what life could be for her, but without Will by her side life hardly seemed to register at all.

But she was alive and she had to go on, whether she felt like it or not. But not yet. She had yet to say goodbye again. Only this time, she was sure, it would be forever.

So lost in her misery Deanna didn't hear the hum of a transporter behind her, nor the empathic tingling in her mind that told her that something precious was close by. Warm arms closed around her waist from behind and Deanna gasped, unable to believe that he was there, with her. He'd come for her, just as he'd said he would. Her initial shame at not allowing him the extra minutes for unforeseaable problems briefly ate at her.

That was until Will slowly turned her in his arms and settled his smiling blue gaze upon her moist ebony eyes.

"Hello, Imzadi." He whispered brokenly, sudddenly unable to hide the emotion at seeing his one true love again, but then grinned at her still stunned face. Lowering his own, he murmured as he gently settled his lips upon hers. "See, I told you I'd come back."

End