Imzadi

SILENT WORDS
by Carol Sandford
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'I watch Will and the rest of the away team climb up onto the transporter pad. They are all about to visit a ship - a derelict ship that the 'Enterprise' had found less than an hour ago, drifting lifelessly, silently in space.

Captain Picard had instantly ordered an away team to investigate, and of course, Will was the one to lead, he always was.

I hate it. I hate him going, and I'm missing him even before his body evaporates into a trillion and one particles. As he vanishes before my very eyes, it's like my own heart is being ripped apart by the power of our forced separation. It's only for a few seconds, until he and I reunite as he materialises on 'the other side.' I feel our souls reconnect and my heart starts to beat again. I know he's safe. I know he's coming home to me again.

I hope.

It's torture as I walk into the transporter room each time he leaves. I often try not to go, but mostly I can't help myself - even if it's just to silently whisper my silent words as he's vanishing before me and I've been too late for him to see and feel me. I know he always feels me and he's aware of what I would say to him, if I had the courage to speak.

But I don't, and nor does he. We are both too frightened, too scared to speak the words that we both long to hear, just in case. He sees love in my eyes but he doesn't know if it's the love of lovers. He doesn't know if it's the love of cherished friends, or something more, and he's too scared to ask.

And so am I.

We've been through so much over the years, and we've gone from being lovers, to Imzadi, onto friends, and then something deeper. But what? Neither of us know, only that it keeps us locked together in torment, but it's a torment that we can't live without. I can't live without him, and he cannot live without me.

So, instead of words, we've settled with silent love.

I watch him spin around on his pad on the transporter, and before he's even come to a halt, his eyes are reaching for mine. The love is there for everyone to see, but nobody ever seems to. Except us.

My silent whisper, *I love you, Imzadi, come back to me safely. I need you with me* is met by his own equally silent, *I love you, too. Be here waiting for me when I come home*

And I am. I always am.'