LOST CHANCE
by Carol Sandford
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'I miss her. I don't know why, but I do.
I don't know how many times I had said it, but every time I did, I felt her pull just a fraction more. But where is she pulling me to? There is nothing to culminate the reunion. Just another moment of loneliness and just another painful reminder that I loved a figment of my imagination.
Only she wasn't, not really. I talked to her. I laughed with her. I held her in my arms and we danced. In my mind's eye, I made love to her too. It's just another part of my imagination, but it is the strongest one of all. The one I am going to cling on to, no matter what.
I feel her love and it embraces me, even now, after all this time. I know she feels the same for me, I just know it, and it must have been true, because Barash would not, could not, have created Minuet from just a treasured moment in time. The power of our love must have been strong. Strong enough to create the ultimate fantasy.
Only he had killed her. I had a chance of loving her all over again and he snatched it away from me. I don't care that he had made a monumental mistake in using her image, and I don't care that he invaded my innermost secrets to obtain that image. But hell, I just wanted to hold her again. I just wanted another chance to satisfy my desolate soul to be with her again.
And love her again.
I wanted to tell her how I felt. I wanted to hear those same words repeated by her. I wanted to taste her skin, her lips and her hair. And I wanted to trace pathways with my fingertips down her throat, down between her breasts and then further beyond.
Oh, God, I wanted her, I wanted her so damn much.
I just wanted a little while with her.
I feel denied.
Cheated.
Helpless.
Angry.
I just wanted a little while.
Just a minute.
That's all I wanted.'
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©Carol Sandford 2000