Imzadi

LET HIM GO
Carol Sandford
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Set: After The Host

She found her staring out of the porthole and knew without seeing her

eyes that she wasn't watching the stars whizz by. The aura that

surrounded her weighted her down; made her unapproachable. Made her

lonely. But Deanna had to talk to her, she simply had to. They were

supposed to be friends - the best of friends.

But that was before Beverly Crusher had slept with William Riker.

It didn't matter that it had been for an unusual cause, and it didn't

matter that she had given them both her blessing to do the

unthinkable. But could she forgive her?

She had to or else she was going to lose them both.

She saw Beverly's shoulders tense as she became aware that she was no

longer alone and Deanna spoke before Beverly could tell her to go. "I

love you, Beverly, don't send me away. Let me help. Please."

Beverly's mane of copper hair fell forward and Deanna heard the

shudder of breath leave her lungs. Quickly and quietly taking the few

final steps towards her, she reached out and gently squeezed her

shoulder. "Beverly?"

Her response was whispered, tortured. "I can't face you right now,

Deanna. Please don't make me talk about this. I just can't, it...it

hurts too much."

Deanna reached out her other hand and lightly shook both shoulders,

determination tinging her words. "We must, Beverly. You're in pain and

I can help."

Beverly spun on the spot and for the first time in days, Deanna saw

true grief close at hand. She had sensed it and she had felt it, and

rode along with it, too. But to see it so close made Deanna silently

gasp. "How can you help, Dee! I've lost Odan! I've lost the only other

man that I have loved since Jack died. My heart is broken and no one

can mend it for me. Not this time." She cried passionately.

Deanna's eyes squarely met the red-heads. "That's a lie, Beverly. I

know that this isn't about Odan, anymore. This is about Will. You've

fallen in love with him, but you know you have to let him go and you

don't want to."

Beverly shook her head and the tears that had welled in her eyes from

being caught out broke free and trickled down her pale face. She

opened her mouth to deny the accusation but Deanna stopped her. "He's

not Odan, Beverly. He's Commander William Riker and he cannot love you

back. You are his friend. He did it for you, and he did it for Odan

and the mission. What you want now you cannot have. Do you understand

me, Beverly? Will cannot love you."

Beverly's face crumpled with pain and Deanna felt no resistance as she

pulled the taller woman into her embrace and hugged her close, "Let

him go, Beverly. Let me have him back."

Beverly went still in her arms for the longest moment until eventually

she pulled far enough away to look into her friends face and saw a

pain that mirrored her own.

"Deanna?"

"He's mine, Beverly. I love him, too."

And without Deanna saying it, Beverly realized the other side of

admission and whispered, "And Will loves you, doesn't he?"

Tears shimmered in her dark eyes as Deanna nodded, a watery smile

lighting up her features at revealing a secret that had been hidden

for more years than she could remember.

"Let me have my Imzadi back, Beverly. Please."

And pulling the tiny Betazoid back against her for a fierce hug, she

said, "He's yours, Deanna. Thank you for lending him to me for a short

while. Somewhere, out there, there's another big, blue-eyed hunk

waiting for me."

Chuckling, Deanna pulled away and slipped her arm through Beverly's

and tugged her towards the door. "Actually, I might know just the

right man..."