Imzadi

JEAN-LUC PICARD - GOD
by Carol Sandford
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'Sometimes, sitting between my first officer and my counselor is so excruciating that I'm not quite sure how I manage to keep still, or silent.

Sometimes, quite frankly, I feel like grabbing the back of their heads and bashing them both together to knock some sense into them. Other times I just feel like crying.

Sometimes I see the furtive looks that pass between them. Oh, they don't think I can see them, but I can. I see it all; every emotion. The wistfulness, the love, the passion, and sometimes the pain.

I also see the happiness that resides within them both, just by them simply being together.

They're doing it now by the way he's looking at her and she him. Today is a wistful day and I'm not quite sure how I manage to hide my sigh, but I do, but only because I'm getting well practiced at it.

I push myself back in my chair, cross my legs and feign disinterest. How can I not be interested in two of my closest friends?! Will is the son I never had and Deanna means as much to me as a daughter world. Possibly more.

I want to see these two people together, even more than I want to see my own happiness happen. They deserve it. Twelve years is a long time to love someone and not have it realised. I should know, it's been the same for myself and Beverly, only we've been in denial a whole lot longer than that.

I can't stop the sigh escaping as I conjure up an image of the flame-haired woman that had captured my heart so long ago, and I can hardly remember a time when I didn't love her. But I lost her to a friend, a good friend, a friend that I didn't mind giving her up to.

And when he died, so did my hopes. I don't think the sense of betrayal will ever leave me, and it's why I can't make my move towards her now. I still feel loyal to Jack's memory. I wish to God that I didn't, but I do.

But at least she's here. She's 'with' me, and I can't ask for anymore than that. I'm content and so is she.

But this couple either side of me are a totally different story. I 'want' them to be one, and I 'want' them to enjoy each other in the normal ways that a loving couple should do. I 'want' to see them with a child or two, purely because it just seems so right. 'They' seem so right.

Sometimes I want to play matchmaker so much by creating a moment that the couple could take up the opportunity to take a step forward and reclaim their relationship. I try, but they never do, and it frustrates the hell out of me.

Heck, what have I got to do, send them on holiday together??!

Actually, that is not such a bad idea.

I hadn't realised that I had pushed myself to a sitting position with a very determined look upon my face until the couple in question both turned to me with genuine concern in their eyes. Their surprise was even more evident as I barked out a new course to the helm.'

"Ensign, plot a course for the nearest star-base. I want this ship to go through a total overhaul. I'm not happy with its performance. I want it checked out and I want it done, now."

'I could feel a dozen pairs of puzzled eyes upon me, all asking the same thing; Have I gone mad? Maybe I have. Maybe I don't want my best officers to go through the same torment that I have done for the past twenty odd years. Maybe it is time for me to play God, and God decrees that this very special couple need a good kick in the pants to realize what they are missing and what they want - and need; They need each other. They need to be together.

Now.

Today I am going to play God.